In My Opinion

Cough

2008-01-07T02:28:00.000-05:00

From: My3gifts ...it's really time for you to get back on line, update your blogs....

Emily has left a new comment on your post "It's a Girl thing": Dude. Do you even remember how to blog?? :P

It seems I have chosen to surround myself with a bunch of bossy women who think it's WAY past time that I posted on one of my blogs.....

LOL

I'll be back soon. Really!!!

It's a Girl thing

2007-11-15T12:59:00.000-05:00

Sometimes I hate being a girl. One of the reasons
on my list is that my body often deals with stress by crying. I hate crying (not always, I don't mind crying if it's for a good reason). But this whole crying while stressed out thing just makes me feel like such a girl!

The reason this all comes up is simply because yesterday was one of those days. I am buried so deep in my classes that I don't feel like I can come up for air. I need to have a meltdown and I simply don't have time for it. So, after I somewhat inappropriately let one of my professors have an ear full. I left the building and cried all the way home. And you know, not just crying but uncontrollable sobbing. In the end it made me feel better physically but it has been annoying my brain ever since.

Why is it that no matter what I accomplish in my life, stress can still reduce me to feeling like I need my mommy?

Right now, aside from the fact that I have a test tomorrow that I have no hope of passing, I feel better. I feel like I can really handle the rest of this semester. Of course my story may be different after taking my test tomorrow! Part of what got me over the hump is the simple realization that if I need to, I can just take my Proof Writing in Modern Algebra class over again next semester if I need to. I'm taking Linear Algebra for the 2nd time and I am really enjoying it AND understanding it this time around. So perhaps I just need to come to terms with the fact that my 40 year old brain needs to hear something twice to really get it.

And I'm OK with that!

Allergies

2007-11-13T22:27:00.000-05:00

Almost since the day she was born, my Princess was prone to sinus infections. And I mean a TON of sinus infections. We have a well worn path from our door to the door of our pediatrician's office. Princess moved to a new school this year and my pediatrician moved her office at the end of August so that it is squarely between my house and her new school. Just for me, wasn't that nice of her? Well, sure that last part is a stretch - but she DID move her office and I like to live in my little fantasy world.

The infections always seem to be at their worst when she is getting teeth, but they also were acutely seasonal, and as I am allergic to everything we made our appointment at the allergist office to get her tested. Poor kid, asthma (which I have been spared) and she's allergic to just about every tree and mold and pet you can imagine. So, we started allergy shots. They seemed to help initially, but now here we are three years later and she has yet another sinus infection. So, with her pediatrician's approval I had it out with our allergist and we are just going to treat Princess with OTC meds (I should mention her asthma is finally under control so this is no longer an issue). Her allergist, of course, was none to happy - but I refuse to continue to get shots every month when we are not really seeing any significant improvement.

Now, you are sitting there wondering if there is a point to this story, right? Well, there is! I just adore my pediatrician. She was with me from the time Princess was little and she was at my son's funeral...she knows I'm an overprotective often paranoid mom and she just puts up with me. But I love her for more than that. She completely cracks me up!

Back when school was starting we were at her office to get Princess allergy shots and as her birthday was around the corner I asked the receptionist if Princess was due for a physical. Seems she was due LAST year when she turned 9. OOPS! Bad mommy! In all of our defense we are in there so often...

Last week we arrived on time for our scheduled physical. They called us back 25 minutes later. I was NOT amused! Princess has been complaining about her feet hurting so that was one of the first things we looked at. Tendonitis in both feet. Seriously? Leave it to my kid. (Since then we bought orthopedic arch supports and that has helped her right foot, but her left foot doesn't seem to be cooperating.) While we were there I asked Dr S if I should be concerned about Princess' weight. This girl drinks more water than any child should. She doesn't like soda, rarely drinks juice let alone anything resembling something sweet. Her perfect breakfast is a bowl of plain cheerios in 2% milk and some of her favorite Dole peaches (not in the cheerios, on the side please). And she never (and I do mean never) stops moving! My favorite doctor looked at her growth chart and told me that there was no need to worry. Princess is in the 85% for her age for height and about the 93% for weight. She said it's just the way God made her, and she's perfectly healthy and perfectly normal for who she is...and THEN she held up a piece of paper to block her face and Princess' from me and she said "there's something called genetics and it helps with how we are made. ask your mom about it later. don't forget. genetics"

I just had to laugh. I tell Princess all the time that she is built like me. Broad shoulders and wide hips. Oh sure, my hips are a ton wider now that I am 40 pounds overweight, but they have always been wide. Poor kids is build just like me. And thanks to the pediatrician, Princess will always know that it's my fault! Ya gotta love a doctor like that :-)

Late Veteran's Day entry

2007-11-12T22:05:00.000-05:00

It's late, and I should have done a Veteran's Day post YESTERDAY, but leave it to me to be late. It's OK though, I forgive myself ;-)

Becky went crazy today and posted her basic training picture. YIKES! It got me to wondering if I could find mine. HA! Silly me. I am so unorganized there was no chance of that. Honestly I seem to have very few pictures of me in uniform at all. More than 8 years in uniform and nothing to show for it. Being the smart girl that I am...I called mommy. And you know what? SHE couldn't find my basic training picture either. That makes me feel so much better, because SHE is the organized one in the family.

There was a time in my life when I had time to scrapbook and I was THIS close to having my pictures organized. That dream is long since gone and I don't see it being a reality for a good 5 years at least. Of course, now that everything is digital my problem is they are all still on my computer and not printed. Oh wait, but at least they're almost organized on my computer, right?

So...Veteran's Day. Today our young men and women are joining the services knowing that it is quite likely they will find themselves in the midst of a war. But they sign up nonetheless. When I took the oath back in 1987 I had no idea that our country would shortly find itself in the midst of Desert Storm. Much like I had no idea that 2001 the future of our country's path would be irreversibly changed by the terrorist attacks of 9/11.

We are blessed in this country to have an Army (and Navy and Marines and Air Force and Coast Guard) of volunteers. Isn't that amazing? Isn't it amazing that what we have here in the United States is so precious....that people feel so strongly about how great our democracy is that they volunteer to protect us against whatever will come next. It touches my heart like few things in this world can.

And speaking of touching your heart. Here's a story that got a lot of coverage (at least in our little corner of the world) today. Socks for Soldiers. An enterprising young lady found out that soldiers in Afghanastan have cold feet so she is gathering wool socks from now until mid December and then sending a shipment over. You've seen the movies. Soldiers are often in those boots for more hours than we care to think about. And lets not forget that most of them are young men (and you KNOW young men, their hygiene is marginal in normal conditions let alone deployed in a strange country!). I think it's a fabulous idea! If you can't get through to the article, here's how it ends: Donated wool socks for troops serving in Afghanistan can be mailed to: D. Mansfield, 7136 Pine Lake Road, Fort Wayne, IN 46814, where they will be packaged for shipment. Cash donations to defray shipping costs are appreciated.

Now, for your amusement. The pictures that I did find. Let it never be said that I always looked good in uniform ;-)

And because I don't want you thinking that I always look like a total geek, I give you me (with my 1st ex husband...ya, I have NO luck with men, what can I say? But weren't we adorable?)

Where did "I" go?

2007-11-10T23:55:00.001-05:00

I'm sure every mother asks herself that questions at one point or another (perhaps many, many times over?)

"Just where did I go?"

Maybe that's part of my funk lately. Sometimes I feel like this never ending mommy train that I'm on has just hijacked my life and I'm searching for part of me that I fear I will never get back. Is that possible? If I crunch the numbers I find 10 years between the time I graduated from high school and had my first child. That's 10 grown up years sans children. (ah, those were the days!) Now it's been 12 years since I added the title mommy to my resume. That means more adult years spent in the mommy camp.

Being back in college full-time I find myself having most of my daily conversations with classmates who are...well, let's just say I'm old enough to be their mother. (And how did I get THAT old?!) There are days when I hear myself talking and every other sentence out of my mouth has something to do with Princess. I'm not saying that's a bad thing, but does it mean that I have lost the part of myself that I find interesting? I'm hoping it's just a combination of the fact that I adore her so much AND the fact that I spend most of my time with her...so of course I'm going to talk about her.

Right?

I don't know. Sometimes it just feels like I'm drowning in this whole mommy gig. Not completely in a bad way. I think it's OK that part of me has grown into a mom. Just who was I before I had kids, anyway? Do I want that old me back? Why do I worry that part of me is gone if it's a part of me that I don't really need back? So many questions that need answers. Or do they really need answers?

I know I looked at myself in the mirror this morning and I hardly recognized myself. Somehow I have suddenly started to look old. This revelation made me wonder if I will be single forever. Not sure why my mind went there but it did. And not wanting to dwell on that question - my mind then moved on to the whole mommy dilemma. I have more answers for that part of my life than I do for the relationship part. Most days I am content for it to be just Princess and me. Probably due to the fact that I have made poor, poor choices in my past relationships. I barely have time for school in my life, and adding a man to that mix would force me to make choices I am not ready to make. It's all complicated and jumbled in my head.

Is it just the "grass is always greener"? When I lay out all my cards at the end of the day there is no place I would rather be. Right here, right now, this is where I am meant to be and most of the time I am happy to say that this is where I am.

Just a little dusty

2007-11-09T13:46:00.000-05:00

There are times when being a mother is just a thankless job.

Princess has been facing a lot of changes in the last few months. I recognize that and I have truly been trying to take it easy as far as discipline goes.

But, you know how kids are...give them an inch and they take a mile.

I guess that's not necessarily a "kid" thing, given the same circumstances we all take the path of least resistance and try to find out just how much we use something to our advantage.

I'm OK with that.

I'm also OK with the fact that she is ten. You know, the closer she gets to the teen years the more and more unpredictable her emotions become. I get that.

BUT SOME DAYS!!!

Lately it has been like pulling teeth to get her to do anything. Homework, taking her plate to the kitchen, rinsing off dishes, simply getting dressed and ready on time. She seems to be under the mistaken impression that if she throws a tantrum for long enough she will get her own way. We have lived together for 10 years. She KNOWS this is not true. She knows it will work with Grandma, and sometimes her dad. But she knows it does not work with me.

So, what? Is she just TRYING to get on my last nerve? Because she is succeeding! Take the other day for example. It was past time to clean her room and since part of her closet is used for storage I told her I would work on that. Meanwhile I wanted her to try some clothes on because she has grown like another 12 feet in the last few months. When she refused I told her that was fine, but she was staying in her room and there would be no other activity until she had made progress. Now I'm sure you see where this is going. She told me I was the meanest mother on the face of the planet and proceeded to slam every door she could lay her hands on (yup, she's a slammer). When dinner was ready she said she wasn't hungry. And, being the MEAN mom that I am I made her sit at the table anyway (so, OK, maybe that part was a little bit for my benefit because I enjoyed finding yet another way to tick her off....but I also knew she was hungry and that if she came down she would eventually eat, which she did....YIPPEE ME! I'm a smart mommy!)

I know, I know! That's a typical exchange...and maybe I just want somebody to tell me that it will get better. Just remember that when you tell me it WILL get better - don't mention the fact that it's gonna take another 10 years before it does :-)

And just to remind myself that she really is adorable

What the heck!

2007-10-16T22:51:00.000-04:00

Sometimes I wonder how I can go so long without taking time to post. When I bother to take the time to put it all down on a page, it makes me feel so much better!

School is stressful. And getting more so every minute. There are so many days when I just want to throw in the towel. Thankfully there are almost as many days when everything seems to click in place and I remember that I'm almost done. Almost done. That's what I have to keep reminding myself. Although with this double major I seem to have added another year onto my torture which means all next year I'll be in class instead of just one semester. And of course there are 2 semesters of student teaching after that.

Ya gotta love teaching. It's bad enough that most internships are unpaid, but to be a teacher you have to PAY for an internship. What the heck? Does that seem fair?? I know, I know, it's all for the best and there's still a lot of learning that goes on in that year so it's best to have it managed by a university.

I'm still struggling to pull up my math GPA. My history GPA is good enough to apply for the college of ed, but my math is still low. I do have 5 classes left, so there's wiggle room - but man these classes are NOT getting any easier! I'm just going to die if I have to do my student teaching in history! I know it's only a year and once I graduate with 2 degrees nobody is going to be checking my math GPA. Did I mention I really, really don't want to student teach in history? Just the thought of assigning projects and papers and then having to grade them....YIKES! It makes my head spin!

And completely off topic. Princess was playing on the laptop tonight. She has a tendency to try to do too many processes at once, so I taught her how to use ctrl+alt+del to free things up when she gets stuck. So she's playing away and then I hear, "uh mom the screen is upside down". I looked and just had to laugh. The whole display was upside down, including the cursor which meant it was working backwards (or well, i guess upside down). She was just in a panic. It was so cute. She thought she really broke it! So I showed her that she had just hit ctrl+alt+arrow instead of del and that it was easy enough to fix. Of course then she wanted to try to turn the display sideways both ways and upside down again.

She's easily amused. What can I say??

And (because I'm so thankful that football season is almost over) here's the obligatory "oh isn't she adorable picture" of her majesty!

Long Overdue

2007-10-08T00:05:00.000-04:00

Goodness! The 10th birthday celebration was a huge success. Princess has wonderful new friends! I picked up all the girls from school and we headed right to Build-A-Bear. I'll tell you, that place has the market cornered on how to show girls a good time! We had our very own employee assigned to us for the hour we were there. She helped the girls pick out their animals and stuff them and then played a couple games while she got them all sewed up. Later she had them play another game while they were dressing their new friends and snapped a couple of polaroids for Princess to take with her. Since she was the birthday girl, Princess got an "autograph" bear that all her party guests got to sign. Then each of the girls got a couple little treats in their houses to go along with their friends. It was so much fun to watch them picking out the perfect animal and then the perfect outfit. Four of them picked out the same dog! (but they did pick different outfits so we could at least tell them apart!). Come to find out three of the girls had never even been to Build-A-Bear before...and one had never even been to the mall! Whoa, how weird is that?! After our adventure at the mall we headed to Princess' favorite pizza place. We order from there a lot with my parents so the owners know us. I called a few days before and she said we were welcome to bring our own cake and a few decorations if we wanted to. The girls pigged out and then I delivered them home safe and sound. Of course by the time I dropped them off and got us back home it was after 7. What a long day! But worth it. I haven't seen Princess smile that much in such a long time. Here's a couple pics from our perfect day ;-)

Turns out our party leader had been a cheerleader in high school so when she found out she had a group of junior cheerleaders on her hands she had them show her their favorite cheer. Thankfully it was Wednesday afternoon at the mall so there were hardly any customers to be bothered by these VERY loud girls!

Touchy Touchy!

2007-10-04T00:43:00.000-04:00

Perhaps I am just overly sensitive today. I have certainly been stressed more than usual with tests coming up at school, a paper I just handed in and then the big birthday today.

But, you KNOW how I love to complain.... so here goes.

Nice secretary lady at school....this nice woman is one of the main reasons I chose this school for Princess. She was SO nice, on the phone and in person. Answered ever single one of my million questions. A couple weeks ago she got snippy with me about Princess missing a couple days of school. (and may I just add here, she is my daughter and if I say she doesn't have to go to school then I don't think the school secretary should be second guessing me!). So, I let that slide because heck, maybe she was having a bad day, or maybe I was....

And then there was today. I arrived at school a few minutes early to make sure all the girls had come complete with notes allowing them to leave school with me and not get on the bus. Turns out only one of them didn't have a note, but she called her mom and got the OK over the phone. As she's on the phone the secretary looks at me and gives me this really snotty tone and says "I hope you have a lot of seat belts". Right, I'm going to take 6 girls and not have enough seat belts. And if that WAS my plan; would I really tell the school secretary?

OY!

I know, I know, it's no big deal. I'm making a mountain out of a mole hill and I should just take a deep breath and go to sleep.

As a matter of fact, that sounds like a perfect plan!

I guess that means the grand birthday party story (complete with pictures I'm sure) will have to wait until tomorrow. At which point, I promise to be in a better mood :-)

No more pretending

2007-10-02T18:01:00.000-04:00

There comes a point in every mom's life when she realizes that she can't fool herself anymore. Her youngest is no longer anything anybody would call a "child". She's well into that transition somewhere between girl and teen. A mind of her own and a mouth to match it.

...and tomorrow she's 10 *sigh*

But, of course, she'll always be my baby.

Happy Birthday Princess!

Into the weekend

2007-09-21T20:36:00.000-04:00

And so the weekend begins.

Before I start blathering on about the week at hand may I just state the obvious and tell you that I have joined the "people I hate" list and added a playlist to my blog. As I am painfully aware some of you will not share or appreciate my most outstanding taste in music. Just remember that you can click on the II to make it stop (it's over there under my profile if you can't find it!). That will be all for today's public service announcement.

Now, let's just see.....how was my week?

Princess has been fighting a nasty cold and keeps waking up in the middle of the night. This makes for a cranky mommy and has not helped my homework one little bit. I had a draft of a paper due today that did not go well. The math homework that was collected was even worse! My nice math prof assigns several problems for us to work on over the week and then collects 1 of those problems. And, of course, the one he collected to day was the one I could NOT solve. Ah well, that's the way the cookie crumbles sometimes.

Did I tell ya' the story about how I drove all the way out to campus after dropping Princess at school...only to realize that I had left MY backpack at home. Thankfully after I drop Princess off and head out to campus I have an hour to spend time working on homework. I like that my schedule worked out the way it did. Gives me a chance to wind down, listen to music and review my work. So, in the grand scheme of things it didn't set me back more than another 27 miles on the odometer - and of course a CRAPPY parking space! If you don't get there before 9, or close to it you end up parking in BFE. Seriously, I hate it! Sure, maybe it's fine for those young kids - but I'm old!

In my Diversity in Education class we are currently discussing the Jena 6. Have you guys heard all the buzz about this case? I find it amazing that people all over the country who really have no first hand knowledge about what is going on (as in they are listening to what all the liberal media tells them) are just up in arms. My class was not amused with my old lady views on the subject. My classmates are all just so young and eager to jump on any bandwagon. Do I think there are serious injustices trying to be balanced in this case. Probably. But my point to my fellow students was we need to step back and maybe look again and wonder how this all began. It was easier for them. It wasn't that long ago they were in high school. So I asked them if there was a popular table in the lunchroom and what they thought would happen if one of the dredges of school tried to sit at it. And here is where I think this confrontation began. I think it had less to do with racism in the beginning and more to do with the worst kind of teen bullying and mean. From there it all spiraled, as ratially charged situations have a tendancy to do. I know it's been all over the TV lately and charges have been changed and some of it has been explained. I doubt that any of us, including many of those who are in the thick of it will ever understand the complete impact of these cases.

*Update* Rick found this great article about the case.

I'm starting to get that feeling in the back of my throat that tells me I'm getting Princess' cold. I told her that today and she said, "well, it's your own fault. You're the one that insisted on hugging and kissing on me even though you knew I was sick". How can you argue with logic like that?

Some days

2007-09-18T22:00:00.000-04:00

It is not even half way through the semester and I'm already in a funk. Not really about school, but I know the stress of the classes always has something to do with my moods. I'm feeling sorry for myself more than usual. Honestly I don't have anybody to blame but myself. I have managed over the past 10 years to all but turn myself into a hermit. I have let friendships slide away into oblivion. Nothing bad, just friends who got tired of me never returning their calls and eventually stopped calling. We still chat once in a while, but they are no longer the friends I can call up and say "hey, let's get together this weekend" or call in the middle of the night when I need to talk.

I guess most of it comes from the fact that given the choice I am not the kind of girl to call anybody up and say either of those things. Left to myself, I would rather be just that, left to myself. I like being alone. Not really "alone". I have wonderful women on the internet that I confide in almost daily and count them as friends. As I get older, as Princess gets older, I wonder if I will enjoy being alone so much when she is grown and moved on. Will I kick myself for cutting some of these women out of my life?

But, then I think....I have a new adventure ahead of me. As I look toward graduating and starting a new career I know I have a fresh start waiting. So, what kind of person do I want to be when I get there? Can I find a way to start letting people into my life?

It's hard. Especially since Josh died, it is just so hard. I feel like I need to "break-in" new friends and acquaintances because frankly most people just don't know how to behave when they find out my son is dead. And sometimes it is just more work than it is worth....especially considering the fact that I love being alone.

So, it's a vicious circle. I have chosen this road for myself, and yet I feel like part of me wants to build that part of my life again. Maybe I just like being alone because at heart I am a selfish person and can't be bothered with anybody else. Maybe I like being alone because over the course of my life the people that I am closest to have done nothing but disappoint and hurt me. I really don't know. Whatever the reason I am most content when I have the house to myself, the TV and computer on and I am doing absolutely nothing.

I can only hope it's because I'm a stressed out mommy/student and that as this status changes I will change to.

September is...

2007-09-13T23:22:00.001-04:00

...childhood cancer awareness month...

This is how I remember him, my Joshua...silly and crazy and everything that a wonderful 4 year old boy is. He turned 5 shortly before he died, but we know now that he was sick even then. My mommy eyes still see my handsome little boy, free from cancer and wanting nothing more than to play hard all day and settle in at night with a good book (Franklin...his favorite turtle) and getting tucked in by mom. Ah, those were the days. The days when I thought children lived forever and nothing could touch us. (read his story here)

I didn't know what other amazing plans were in the Master Plan for my life.

What I know now is that every day children are diagnosed with cancer. And after you've been there, heard those words, you don't want anybody else to have to be in your shoes. Ever.

Thank you to Gigi for sharing these simple warning signs

C ontinued, unexplained weight loss

H eadaches, often with vomiting, at night or early morning

I ncreased swelling or persistent pain in bones, joints, back, or legs

L ump or mass, especially in the abdomen, neck, chest, pelvis, or armpits

D evelopment of excessive bruising, bleeding, or rash

C onstant infections

A whitish color behind the pupil

N ausea which persists or vomiting without nausea

C onstant tiredness or noticeable paleness

E ye or vision changes which occur suddenly and persist

R ecurrent fevers of unknown origin

Not every child with these symptoms has cancer. Only about 1 in 330 children will be diagnosed with cancer....but you should remember that YOU are your child's best advocate. You know your child better than any doctor or team of doctors.

You can find lots more good information HERE.

Everytime you have a chance to donate a balloon, remember that worldwide a classroom full of children have today been diagnosed with cancer and that about 10 of them will lose their battle.

(This ends today's public service announcement ;-)

1/2 hour makes a difference

2007-09-11T23:31:00.000-04:00

This last week of getting off to school has been blissful. There has been little whining from Princess (and yes, we are still in the honeymoon period with our new school but I have a good feeling about this!). We have gotten out the door on time, even on the days that I have to get to school too. This is the way I wish every morning could go. There is nothing I hate more than having to rush, except for maybe getting out the door late.

I was talking to a mom at the football game tonight (yes, we cheered again tonight, you can tell I'm thrilled, right?) and she made the point that it must be nice that our new school starts a full 1/2 hour after our old school. Yes, it goes 1/2 longer at the end of the day....but that 1/2 hour in the morning really has made a TON of difference. We can now sleep in until 7:30, which seems a lot later than our 7:00 from last year. Waking up Princess has not been as awful. She rolls out of bed with little complaint and once she was even awake before the alarm (which, of course, made mommy none to happy....mommy likes to sleep....well, in the morning, not so much late at night when I am enjoying my solitude).

In the morning, even though we are traveling a few miles farther, it still only takes us 10 minutes to get there. This means we don't have to leave the house until 8:15, which makes me SO happy! I hadn't realized how much I appreciated that 1/2 hour until this other mom mentioned it!

So, more cheerleading stress. Somebody please just put me out of my misery. On Tuesday nights the little guys get to play on the varsity field. Complete with an announcer and the lights turned on...the whole nine yards. This is nice for us poor parents as it means we can sit in bleachers instead of a mish mash of lawn chairs that make their regular appearance at the practice field we usually play on. The cheerleaders get to be on the track instead of in the mud, which is always a plus for those of us who have to do the laundry. Tonight we arrive 1/2 hour early, as we have been told to before each game. Only one cheerleader has arrived before us and most don't roll in for another 15 minutes. The announcer comes by and asks for a list of the cheerleaders (they introduce all the football players and cheerleaders by name before each game and let them run out on the field... it is just too cute...) And coach (who is annoying coordinator's high school daughter) looks blankly at him like he has just asked her for her phone number or something. She has no list. So, I volunteer to go back to my vehicle and get a pen and paper and I set to the task of getting all the names. The night sort of went downhill from there.....although the team we were cheering for did win - so the night was NOT a total loss! And the coach is lucky she didn't get strangled by one of us disgruntled mothers....as we watched her standing there staring blankly offering little direction to the poor cheerleaders who were freezing their butts off!

But, tomorrow is a new day. And you can wait patiently with me while I see how long it takes somebody to call us and let us know the time and place of our game on Saturday. The schedule is supposed to be posted on Wednesday, but I've got my money on about 7pm Friday night.....

Still Tired

2007-09-09T00:06:00.000-04:00

This week FLEW by. Princess rolled out of bed happy each morning (yes, it was still the first week of school but this is a refreshing change of pace at Princess' castle)

She is adjusting well to the new school, making new friends and impressing her teacher. I had a long week at school and am thankful for the weekend. I still have a ton of homework to do (but somehow no math homework! that's a nice break). Now, please accept my sincerest apologies as the rest of this post turns to one of my least favorite subjects (not my daughter, the cheerleading you silly!)

Another one of the girls in her class decided to join Jr Cheer, but since she only made it to half of a practice before the first game Princess and her friend took in on themselves to teach her a lot of the cheers at recess. By recess on Friday it sounded like they had themselves a full squad of 10 girls that they were teaching cheers too! (what is it with little girls and cheerleading anyway?). Of course any place where Princess gets to be in charge and tell people what to do is OK by her, so she's having a great time!

Last night they got to go cheer at the varsity game for the first quarter. The weather was perfect and the girls all had a great time! Thankfully, however, she didn't want to stay for the rest of the game because after my week at school I really, REALLY did not want to stay at a high school football game for the evening. Today she cheered at her rocket football game and we could not have asked for better weather, or a better time. The game was at 10:30, so we got to sleep in a little and then head over to the field. One of our players got hurt and had to be taken to the hospital for a wrist X-Ray...hopefully he's OK, especially since we got KILLED (22-0...LOL). The girls looked awful (thank you unorganized coach for trying to teach the girls 14 cheers in 4 practices and then expecting them to remember them all for the first game...whatever!)

Oh My Word! Speaking of cheers! We were typing up the words to all the cheers Princess could remember so she can give them to her two classmates to take home. There was one cheer we couldn't remember so we did a web search for cheer words and ended up looking at a ton of new cheers and laughing at how stupid some of them were, but there was one that Princess just went APE over. Made me put it on the sheet even though their squad doesn't do it. Says they are going to make up moves for it at recess and try to convince the coach to let them do it at a game. I'm going to leave you with the cheer, just so you know what I'm dealing with here on a daily basis!

(in your best valley voice)
Like Totally
Fer Sure
I just got a manicure
The sun, I swear
Is bleaching out my gorgeous hair
My make-up is a-smearin'
I think I lost an earring
15 to 24?
I don't even know the score
So, GO GO
FIGHT FIGHT
...Gosh I hope I look alright

Lazy

2007-09-05T22:23:00.000-04:00

It's like this...

I have FAR too much homework to do and my brain is fried from thinking about trying to prove the divisibility theorem (doesn't that just sound like fun?)

I do have a few stories to share about Princess' first day of school, but for now...

You can glimpse the short version over at my "other" blog (although can you really consider it a blog if it's on AOhelL?)

http://journals.aol.com/pixiedustnme/Inmyopinion/entries/2007/09/05/the-obligatory/1494

The Big Day

2007-09-03T22:37:00.000-04:00

We're on the edge of our seats here. Semi-patiently waiting for the first day at a new school. It's almost 11 and Princess can't sleep. A deadly combination of mommy letting her stay up WAY too late last night (ergo she slept in til 10 this morning) and those darn butterflies in the stomach that we all get when we are faced with the unknown.

Let's start first with the confession. I tried my darndest to get Princess to drive up north with me and take a spin on the Dune Rides. She has gone the last two summers in a row, and absolutely loves them. I'm not sure why she didn't want to go. I thought it would be a good diversion. It's a long enough drive that it would end up taking up most of the day. I thought it would be a perfect way to kill a day over the long weekend. Since she didn't want to go I scrambled and tried to come up with some other things to do.

Lots of time with Grandma was a must. I even got some homework done while she played with Grandma (woo hoo). Of course this was about the only homework that I did this weekend and I find myself in the usual position of having a ton to do while she is at school tomorrow. The weather was gorgeous all weekend. We played some tennis. We played lots of tennis actually. Princess even roped Papa into taking her once. Don't get me wrong, we all suck at it. Probably THE most uncoordinated family you ever want to meet. But, we can't let that stand in the way of a good time :-)

Sunday we hit the mall for a bit. I had promised her new earrings for her first day back to school. I should have just taken her to Meijer or Target, but sucker that I am we went to the mall and hit Claires. Of course at this point the day takes a turn for the worse when I get the whole drama queen act. "Can I Puh-Lease get another set of holes in my ears?" ya, right, that's going to happen "BUT MOOOOOOM". So I did what any good mom does when confronted by a tween on a mission. I tried to reason with her. What was I thinking? And of course if I tried to reason with her, you can probably already guess how the exchange ended. Oh, FINE, I admit it! I pulled out the old "because I said so" line. I hate myself. But it was either that or grabbing her by the hair and dragging her through the food court. And, you know, they have laws against that (I'm sure made by some guy who never had to stay home with this kids for a week straight - LOL).

As the day was winding down a thought popped into my head that I had promised to take Princess to the drive-in this summer. She hasn't brought it up in a while and I didn't REALLY need to take her, but she was SO much fun all weekend I thought it might be the night for it. We checked online and as usual there was nothing she could watch at the first movie, but the second feature for one was Hairspray (which we both can't get enough of!). We made the drive and arrived at the theater shortly after 10. The first movie ended up still having about 15 minutes left, so I didn't do TOO bad guessing on time and it gave us a chance to head to the concession stand for (quite possible the worst) popcorn (that I've ever had). You should have SEEN her eyes though when we came around the corner and she saw the 4 big movie screens. It was worth the drive just for that look. All the way out there she kept asking me questions and I finally told her that there was just no way I could explain it to her. There was nothing that she's ever seen to help her put in perspective. Once we got there, she finally said "you're right mom, what i pictured was nothing like this!" So we got back a little late last night (early this morning?).

When I checked on her this morning she was sound asleep with the sun shining RIGHT in her face. You know the girl's tired if she can sleep with that much sun!

But tomorrow will be the big change. A new school. After 4 successful years at an outstanding charter school (part of the National Heritage Academies) it was time for a change. We had some (academic) issues that were not being resolved, and while I know the grass is not always greener, it helped to make my decision that a change should be made now rather than later. While we were at Grandma's earlier today she got her nails done. Then tonight she spent a LOT of time trying to pick out the perfect first day of school outfit. At bedtime she asked me if I was going into school with her. I told her that I had to go into the office because I need to bring in the original copy of her birth certificate and shot records (which I had already faxed). They start out with recess so I told her she could either come in with me or stay out and play if she felt like it, but that she didn't have to decide tonight.

I think I'm more scared than she is. I mean, what if they don't like her? What if she doesn't like them? What if I made the wrong choice and this is the worst year of her life?

I'm not sure I'll be sleeping much tonight either.

She is SUCH a girl!

2007-09-01T23:15:00.000-04:00

I love my daughter, really I do...but she is SUCH a girl!

I swear if ONE more tube of lip gloss melts anywhere in my house I am going to make HER clean it up. She sails through life blindly putting nail polish on her nails wherever she finds to sit (translated this means I have random spots of pink nail polish on furniture and carpets). She takes nail polish off sometimes in the middle of some random room. There are SPARKLES all over her dresser. It's my mother's fault really. She doesn't see it as a problem for Princess to leave open bottles of nail polish remover wherever she happens to park herself.

That was until the bottle tipped over and stripped the finish off the corner of her dining room table. Which grandma claims she doesn't like anyway so who cares. And whenever we are at Grandma's house she thinks it is adorable that Princess just makes a huge mess wherever she goes. It's like a mini tornado has hit!

The child is just hopeless!

(Oh my gosh, U of M lost to WHO? Appalachia State? I can't even spell it let alone who's heard of them??)

Yesterday she insisted on going out in her denim skirt and cowboy boots. Did I mention she's only NINE?? It drives me nuts!

Last year their cheer coach insisted that they would learn something about football. I thought that was a good idea, but the only information she really learned was that a score is called a touchdown. And that, of course, only because one of their cheers is T-O-U-C-H-D-O-W-N. I guess it's better than nothing! I flipped past football tonight and left it there for a minute and she asked me how you could tell the difference between offense and defense. When they lined up I told her that there would be one man on the field that had his hands on the ball and their team is the offense. Easy enough, right, well then her little mind is going a mile a minute and from somewhere inside her brain she says "so that's the quarterback that tells all the other guys what to do, right". Thinking she was on to something I said "right, and the guy who hands the ball to the quarterback is the center....'cause you know he's right in the middle". She looks at me and being the smart 9 year old that she is (or smart alleck as the case may be) she says "well then wouldn't it make more sense to call him the quarter front if he hands the ball to the quarterback"

How can you argue with logic like that?

Me Time

2007-08-28T22:53:00.000-04:00

I've sort of been blog surfing tonight and it made me wonder why so many of us choose this as a form of release. Is it emotional? For satisfaction? I suppose probably a little bit of both. Some people are brave enough to do this as a means of staying in contact with their families. I'm not sure I could let anybody I know IRL into this corner of me. Not that I'm complicated, or hiding anything...I'm just not sure I'm ready for anybody to know ALL of me.

Talking about things here frees up my head for "dealing" with every day life. I can come here and dump and then get up the next morning feeling refreshed. Putting some of this out into the cosmos makes room for new stuff to come in, and lets me step back and look at what is really going on inside my head.

I don't think of myself as an outstanding writer. I do like to write, and I think most of the time I get my point across. And I don't mean this to sound as if I'm getting up on a high horse, but after blog surfing tonight I do wonder why some people write. Some can barely put together a cohesive paragraph and others type no more than a few sentences in each post. So, obviously blogging is not just for those of us who feel comfortable writing. It's more of a draw than just the writing. There is something else that sucks us in.

I wonder what I would do if my IRL friends ever found my blogs. I don't speak of them here, so in that respect I am safe. But I do put a lot of what makes me tick here. Would they be scared when they see the depth of my grief. Would they recognize parts of me within these pages? Or would the person here seem like a stranger to them?

I know that the blogs that keep me coming back are ones much like mine. Women (and men) who talk about their daily life. People who bare a little bit of their souls inside each new post. I like to see that I'm not the only one struggling...that I'm not the only one completely confused! So perhaps that is why we blog? To make the world a little bit smaller? To make our doorstep a little bit bigger? I'd like to think this common thread makes us all part of one great big subdivision.

It IS a small world after all.

Silently Screaming

2007-08-27T22:44:00.000-04:00

I survived! Yeah me!

no, no, not my first day of school (although I managed to get out of that fairly unscathed, only 100 pages of reading for History and several problems for both my math classes all due Wed. What happened to the first day of class consisting of going over the syllabus and getting to know each other?!)

So, if it wasn't MY first day of school, you may ask, "Kelly, just WHAT did you survive?"

I survived the first day of Princess' 2nd year of Junior Cheer. I have to tell you what a great accomplishment this is. I still have a sour taste in my mouth from last year (translate that as coaches telling you to arrive 30 minutes prior to the game and then rolling in themselves about 15 minutes prior to the game, and oh did I mention their daughters were of course on the team so no matter how many of us were there we couldn't even do anything! and really that was just the tip of the iceburg).

This year started no different. On a whim last weekend I thought I'd check the website because we hadn't gotten a call from a coach about picking up uniforms or pictures. I saw on the website that uniforms were being handed out the next day (last monday) and just as I was getting ready to call the coordinator, she calls me (this is about 5 Sunday night mind you). Needless to say I'm not thrilled but she explains that she is waiting to hear from a couple moms and our team doesn't have a coach yet, but we'll get it all figured out. OK, I can live with that, but OH wait. Another mom (who's daughter is a friend of Princess and cheered with her last year) WE volunteered to coach the team this year. We figured it couldn't be any worse than what we put up with last year! So Monday as we are picking up uniforms we tell coordinator again, hey we're willing to coach. Oh no, that's OK, my daughter is going to do it. Hmm, interesting. I don't know how old her daughter is but probably early 20s and explain to me again why you wouldn't want to get parents involved?!

Now fast forward a few days to the fact that pictures were yesterday afternoon at 1. Nobody ever called us. Nope, so we showed up at the field and several of us were NONE to happy. Coordinator comes around and makes sure everybody knows who their coaches are, as there are team pictures after. Since we hadn't gotten a call I said "practices still going to be thurs & fri?" she turns around and says "no, Monday". To which I reply "as in TOMORROW" yep, 5:30. Now last year they were from 4-5 or 4:30-5:30 or something like that and they were in the gym at the intermediate school. Well, we decided that since the football players practiced outside, so should we so now we get to practice near where the rocket footballers practice.

So, we show up today at 5:30. Coordinator coach wasn't there and the other two coaches were just standing around letting the girls do nothing (one of the moms made a comment under her breath about how organized they were, and my response of "oh we did this last year and it doesn't get any better" really didn't help matters I suppose I should learn to just keep my mouth shut). GRRRR (keep telling yourself, it's only $50, it's only $50....you get what you pay for after all!). Coordinator arrives (about 10 minutes late) to a throng of mothers standing on the sidewalk and tries to dismiss us. Oh it's ok, you can leave, they're fine. Um, I don't think so! They opened cheer up to 1st & 2nd graders this year and I could just see the mother's of the younger ones processing this statement in their heads.....like she thinks I'm going to leave my child HERE alone! ROFL

Only one of the 3rd graders from last year came back to cheer this year and for some reason she wasn't there tonight. They split the teams into 3rd & 4th (well I guess now 1st-4th) and 5th & 6th. This means that NONE of the girls Princess cheered with last year are on her team this year. They did let her cheer with the older girls tonight since she knows all the cheers. The older girls ran through 4 of the really simple cheers and then broke up into small groups to help the new girls learn them too. I can't tell you how happy all of us were when 6:30 rolled around!

Tomorrow I have only one class, and it's just an orientation for my online class. It doesn't meet 'til 3 so I think Princess and I are heading out to paint some pottery and maybe order a great big pizza. (anything but a Happy Meal, anything but a Happy Meal, anything but a Happy Meal). You have to think positive!

And so it goes

2007-08-24T20:32:00.000-04:00

Well, we hit the new school today and Princess got to see her classroom and got school pictures taken. That was about it because all the rooms were locked up and I had to cajole the secretary to at least show her the classroom so she would know where to go on her first day. She does have one friend (from cheerleading) that is in her grade, but we found out they won't be in with the same teacher. They were both disappointed, but honestly I think it will be for the best. This way princess will get to know all the other girls too and not just cling to the one.

What a shock going from the charter school system to a public school. She hardly needs any supplies. I might be going through shopping withdrawl! She still has a great set of Twistable crayons that are still good from last year, so she'll need new markers and only ONE spiral notebook and a couple of folders. That's it! Of course we ordered her pencils with her name on them, so at least she'll have some pretty pencils.

After pictures we headed out to Penney's to get a few more school clothes. I think she's all set, got two cute pairs of pants and an adorable denim skort. And of course we had to hit Build-a-Bear to get the mini armoire for the stupid happy meal build-a-bears. Just what we needed.

I am SO not ready for my school to start on Monday. I haven't even figured out what classes need 3-hole notebooks and which ones just need spirals. I should really get on that!

Now, being the good mommy that I am, I took my daughter to Michigan Adventure on Wednesday. And what a perfect day for it! There were storms in the morning and more forecast for later in the day. It's only a 45 minute drive so I figured we'd take our chances. We got there about 11:30 and the weather was gorgeous. Hardly anybody there. Spent a couple hours riding rides and then hit the water park 'til about 5. (and oops I got a little burnt!) We changed back into dry clothes, had some dinner and rode all the rides again. It's a small park, but well worth it. Three decent roller coasters, and it turns out my baby is a thrill seeker! I knew from her experience at Disney that she'd at least try them all. She liked them all and we rode her favorite one FOUR times. (I'm too old!) I convinced her a little after 7 that mommy was just too old for all this excitement and she agreed it was time to leave. I don't think we made it a mile from the park when we were scared to death by THE loudest thunder you have ever heard and then the downpour came. Talk about perfect timing :-)

Thursday we took the chairs from the dining room table and a bunch of sheets and made the coolest tent. Because, you know, High School Musical 2 was on Disney Channel again Thursday night. We spent most of the day just hanging out around the house. I made her pick up all the stuff in her room (which she accomplished by stomping around as hard as she could to make sure I could sense her displeasure). And seriously, she's only NINE!

I'm wondering if it will ever end!

and just so we're clear, that was rhetorical question because I do NOT need to hear the depressing answer!!

OK, ya know what, since I'm thinking about it, maybe I'll just go and get my backpack organized for Monday. And maybe on the way I'll find an excuse to go into the cupboard and notice the poor lonely hershey candy bar that's in there just waiting to be eaten!

Back to school...sort of

2007-08-21T19:44:00.000-04:00

Start of school is just around the corner. You may think this is a good thing. Sadly, I have to go back to school before Princess does - and I can't say I'm too excited about it. I am, however THRILLED that princess is going back to school.

What the HECK did my parents do to entertain us all summer? OY! Since I'm heading back to school next Monday and the weather has been sort of dreary (translated it has been raining and overcast since Friday....although about 2 this afternoon the sun did start to shine a little) we planned a few indoor things to do this week to end summer with a bang.

Yesterday we went to the Air Zoo. It's about an hour from our house, and I was pleasantly surprised with our experience. It consisted of 2 buildings. The main building was a big hanger, with several old planes (including an SR-71) on display. Guided tours were offered (by what appeared to be WWII veterans, LOL) and those who took them seemed to be taking in all the tidbits of information being offered to them. There were even fighter flight simulators available, but Princess wanted none of that (which surprised me because after our Disney experience she seems to be a complete thrill seeker, no fear!). The second building had a mix of a museum feel, some more old planes, and displays with old uniforms and guns, etc.... and some cool hands on stuff. There was a spot where you could try to remotely steer a "mars rover". You were behind a wall and could only see what the rover could see. There was even a place that you could strap yourself in and with the help of a big old piece of machinery, feel like you were jumping on the moon. Princess tried it and thought it was just about the coolest thing ever! I truly thought she would be bored out of her mind, but she really had a great time. There was a 3-D movie about the last flight of a B-17 during WWII, it was short and I thought it was OK - but her majesty did not like it at all. And believe me, I had to hear all about it! Thankfully that was the only thing that didn't meet with her liking :-)

On the way home we stopped by Grandma's to show her the solar system model/mobile kit we had bought at the gift shop. I told mom since today was supposed to be another crappy day and considering I started school next week, I thought I better take Princess out and buy her a few nice new school clothes. She thought it was a great idea and offered to come along and foot the bill. Yeah Grandma! Princess got 1 pair of pants (she is SO picky! and the poor kid has wide hips like me so it is IMPOSSIBLE to find clothes that fit her) and 4 or 5 shirts and 2 pairs of shoes. I just love it when Grandma pays and we don't have to look at the price tag. I mean, she picked out a pair of black boots that were $45 and my mother let her have them! Is she crazy??

OK, have I mentioned Princess is starting a new school this year? Registration isn't until Friday (and did I mention I start school on Monday?), so I tried to call the school to find out what sort of supplies I needed to buy. I loved the charter school but, seriously, we had to buy a TON of supplies. I have no problem with this, but I don't want to go and buy our usual just to find out that she only needs half of it. So, I call the school and get a mesage that says "we're closed for the summer and will re-open on Tueday August 21". Since we were heading out shopping today I called the school this morning...and got the SAME message. Tried again after lunch, SAME message. Well, maybe they are setting up in the gym for registration and nobody is by the phone. So, we drove over there, just to check. Nope, all locked up. Now, I love princess, but sometimes that child gets on my nerves! We get back in the van and she looks at me and says, "so, what, I'm just going to show up on the first day of school without any supplies". Honestly, I wanted to reach over and smack her!

Through gritted teeth I explained to her that we would get a list at registration, as we had previously discussed and we would go for supplies next Tuesday since I don't have classes on Tuesdays or Thursdays. Like she is so deprived and so mistreated that we would send her back to school with no supplies. GRRR, she is NOT long for this world, I'm tellin' ya!

Some days motherhood is just not my thing, ya know?

I love crayons

2007-08-20T00:11:00.000-04:00

Patrick is always one to find a fun test, so here we go

You Are a Red Crayon

Your world is colored with bright, vivid, wild colors.

You have a deep, complex personality - and you are always expressing something about yourself.

Bold and dominant, you are a natural leader. You have an energy that is intense... and sometimes overwhelming.

Your reaction to everything tends to be strong. You are the master of love-hate relationships.

Your color wheel opposite is green. Green people are way too mellow to understand what drives your energy.

What Color Crayon Are You?

I can't say I agree with them, although I do tend to have strong reactions. Not a whole lot of grey in my life, it's either black or white in most cases. And green does tend to make my skin crawl! LOL

Things I remember...

2007-08-15T00:07:00.000-04:00

...that Princess does not

*Pong
*Record Players (followed closely by 8-tracks and cassettes)
*VHF & UHF
*Happy Meals with cookies
*Movies for 3 bucks
*Bike riding with no helmet
*Our first microwave
*Our first VCR (can you say Betamax?)
*Phones with a dial....and a cord
*The first graphing calculator
*ze plane, ze plane!
*The Electric Company (as in on PBS!)
*Ice out of the freezer, not out of the door
*News on TV...that actually included news
*clothes for little girls that included lace and bows and did not show any skin from the neck to the knee
*chosing between leaded and unleaded at the pump
*pulling the license plate down to put the gas in
*Typewriters
*slicing and shredding my own cheese
*use the force Luke
*the cold war
*roller SKATES (don't forget skiis and surf boards, NOT snow boards!)
*our first disposable camera
*checking out at the grocery store, with a clerk punching in the price from the price tag
*the invasion of the hacky sack
*Doo Dads
*Apartheid
*rabbit ears and tin foil
*Ruffles Works Chips
*13 cent stamps
*Our first computer
*no call waiting
*malibu barbie
*it ain't easy being green
*i'll spare you the details of the advances in the feminine hygeine area
*Making popcorn on the stove
*(heck she found a floppy disc the other day and asked me what it was!)
*needing a can opener to open cans
*pet rocks
*oh and how about those klakker things and lets not forget
....the first time around for troll dolls, care bears, rubiks cube and teenage mutant ninja turtles
*The magic kingdom without Epcot and MGM and Animal Kingdom
*coffee, nothing fancy just straight or decaf? cream or sugar?
*people smoking EVERYWHERE (EW!!!!)
*Walkman
*Danger Will Robinson
*New Coke

I love her...but...

2007-08-12T18:36:00.000-04:00

Oh my word! Did you ever just have one of those days? We came downstairs this morning to discover this high pitched whining noise in our living room. Let's see, we woke up at 9 and it's now after 6 (thankfully we were gone at Grandma's for a couple hours and princess has been outside playing for the last few hours while i tackled laundry) BUT we JUST figured out what it was!

It just kept whining. It sounded like a smoke detector or something that had a bad battery, so I thought perhaps it was something electrical gone awry. But, the catch was you could only hear it in the living room. Once you went a couple steps into any other room you couldn't hear it at all. Since the unit for the a/c is outside the living room window I thought maybe that might be it. Went outside, but couldn't hear it out there at all. Came back in and turned the a/c off just to double check. Still this annoying noise! Hmm, maybe it's the TV or DVD player or who knows what. Turned them ALL off, including the surge protectors just in case. STILL there! OY!

As luck would have it, I made princess clean off a mess of stuff she had left on the coffee table and in her keeper. She has THE cutest little pink carrying box that we keep in the living room for her to stash stuff in. You know how kids are, they want to play with stuff non-stop for several days. So, stuff comes down from her room and stays in her keeper box until it has run it's course and then gets put back up in the closet.

Anywho...I made her clean that out too AND there it was. An old Tamagotchi that still had a battery in it. I thought it was dead. When I dropped it in her box a few weeks ago, the screen was dead and silly me, I thought it was just, well, dead. It seems it was NOT. Oh my word. My ears feel so much better now!

As for Princess she is currently home for the 2nd weekend in a row. Come to find out (after much prodding) that last time she went camping with idiot and his even stupider (is that even a word?) wife, she had a tummy ache at bedtime (which happens FREQUENTLY with her irritable bowel syndrome....so this is nothing new - I just don't think it's ever bad enough that she says anything when she's with them). So her dad stepped up and layed with her 'til she fell asleep but of course the next morning this evil, evil woman that he is married to told her that she knew Princess was just doing it to get attention from her dad and it better not happen again. OY! If I thought it would do any good I'd have it out with idiot again, but honestly he just lies and says he'll talk to her about it and then he never does.

Of course Princess will be home next weekend too. And anybody out there who has a tween girl knows why. The much awaited High School Musical 2 comes on Friday night, and you KNOW we'll be parked in front of the TV with our popcorn and goobers!

We still have 2 more weeks before I go back to school and 3 more weeks before Princess goes back. She's almost getting excited about her new school. I think it helps that I told her I would try my hardest to get a job on this side of town so she could just keep going to the same school with the same friends until she graduates. 'Course by then maybe I'll be able to convince her to move across country...a girl can only dream :-)

Cinderella

2007-08-04T15:22:00.000-04:00

It was a big day at our house. Princess stayed home for the weekend and since she has been begging me for a sleepover I told her I'd think about it if we spent this weekend getting the house ready for company. Now, understand when I say ready for company means pretty much digging out every room in the house. I'm a pack rat. I make piles and since it's just the two of us the piles seem to appear everywhere. I mean, really, we only need two chairs at the dining room table and we only need PART of the table to eat....well, you get the picture. I figured we'd start with the basics before we moved on to digging through the piles and creating what looks to be bags and bags of trash. I had an epiphany last weekend and decided that I really do NOT need to hold on to all the things I think I need to hold on to.

I should mention here that Princess will be 10 in October, it's hard to believe she is so old already. Whenever we clean (which really isn't that often, shame on me!) she always asks if she can help with the mopping. Now, I came to two conclusions today. She's old enough to give it a shot and if it's not perfect, oh well, it's probably close enough. So, I let her handle mopping the kitchen floor. She moved everything out and set to mopping. When she was done with the initial mopping she said there were still some spots on the floor she couldn't get up with the mop so I gave her a little brush and a sponge and showed her how to do that. Then she came out and said she needed something to put her knees on because they were getting sore (LOL). I grabbed some rags and handed those over. Pretty soon she comes back out and tells me that she feels like Cinderella in that scene where she is scrubbing the floor on her hands and knees. I just had to laugh!

She did a good job. There were some spots I told her to get (like under the little cupboard overhang where you really can't get a mop under) that she didn't end up getting, but I made a big deal and gave her a big high five for working so hard. I know the next few times she does it, things will just be better and better. After all, it's just a learning curve, right?

While she was doing that I set to vaccuuming. Used the attachments and everything, vaccuumed under the heavy stuff that you hardly ever move. Used carpet fresh so it smells really good in here now. There's still a ton left to do, but heck we have all weekend.

About half an hour ago she called grandma and told her she was tired of spending all day with me and could grandma PLEASE come pick her up. I told her I'd be over in an hour, but figure if I take my time I can stretch that a little bit and nobody will know the difference.

Princess has been bugging me to take her to see Hairspray. AGAIN. She absolutely loved this movie. The old one (from the 80s with Ricki Lake) was on ABC family the other night and she watched the whole thing and every scene went something like "he's not as cute as the one in the movie we saw" "that's not what happened in the version we saw" "the girl we saw sang so much better". Just call her my own little movie critic.

Yesterday dad & I went to see the latest Bourne. I am not sure how so many people got out of work eary on a Friday afternoon. We caught the 3:00 showing and it was packed! (not every seat in the house packed, but given the time of day I was amazed at how many people were there). With one little plot exception that I am still mulling over, I LOVED the movie. Oh, and let's not forget the shaky camera work that gave me a headache. Maybe it was old age, but geesh, I understand he's on the run, does the camera have to bob up and down too? Could we leave it in focus for more than 5 minutes at a time? OK, enough complaining. If you're a Bourne fan, you will not be disappointed. I think this was the best of them all. You'll laugh, you'll be on the edge of your seat, you'll be yelling at the screen "you really SHOULD have listened to Jason because now that you didn't I won't feel bad when you end up dead!" At the end you will be on your feet cheering....sort of. And that's all I have to say on the matter. Go see this movie!

I guess I should go brush my hair and make myself presentable. The only place we've been today was the McDonald's drive through (and only because they have build-a-bears in the happy meals). I can't tell you the last time I let her eat at McDonald's (blecht). But, when you go through the drive through you really don't have to do your hair (or honestly wear pants, but I'm sort of a fan of wearing pants out in public). If I play my cards right I figure I can have dinner at Grandma's so I won't even have to cook today!

It was my 5th

2007-08-03T00:08:00.000-04:00

and it was so many years ago. A dear friend reminded me of a post I did a long time ago, and well my apologies to all of you who have already read it a million times, but it's the mood I'm in today, so here it is - posted in it's entirety

Saturday, November 13, 2004

I'm feeling my age today. Okay, so 37 isn't that old, but after a day of chasing 7 year olds I feel like I just want to close my eyes and let Calgon take me away. My Princess slept over at her best friends house last night. I got the call about 9:30 this morning.... "mom, we want to go roller blading today". So after talking to Moho's (mind of her own's) mom, it was decided that I would pick the girls up at noon, take them to lunch, then to skating and return Moho about 4:15 after skating was done. What was I thinking?! Now my princess and her best friend get along for one very important reason - none of their other friends have the patience to put up with either one of them. Not to say they don't have other friends. Suprisingly they are both quite popular, it's just their other little girlfriends seem to get bossed around a lot.

Mine suffers from "only child syndrome". Moho suffers from "middle child syndrome". They are equally matched in a battle of the wills, and depending on the day one or the other of them is bound to break out in bouts of crying over not getting her own way. Today it was my princess that was the emotional wreck, and by the time we made it safely back to our house, she collapsed on the couch, snuggled up with her bear and asked for a movie. I put in Cinderella Story (which after 1/2 hour she insisted she didn't want to watch any more and then launched into a new tantrum when i told her it was too late to change her mind.... >sigh<).

So, I am tired not only from the rollerblading (3 hours UGH) but from working overtime in the mom department. Thankfully all princess wanted for dinner was a grilled cheese. I headed to the kitchen to get her highness food. This was where the rest of my night went awry.
The bread in my kitchen is next to the toaster. On the side of the toaster is a piece of construction paper, with the word toaster written in marker. I made that sign at least 5 years ago, when my son was in preschool and learning to read. We made signs for everything, microwave, light, bookshelf, stove.... Since he died the signs have come down. Princess has been reading for a while, so there is no need for them. No need for them, except this one: toaster. It's on the side of the toaster and usually facing the wall. Out of sight out of mind. Grief has a way of catching you sideways when you least expect it. How or why the toaster was sitting the other way on my shelf tonight I don't know. But I went to grab bread to make a grilled cheese and there was that piece of paper. Toaster. Briefly my mind went back to his little fingers touching and retouching letters and - I caught my breath and squeezed the tears out of my eyes and went back to cooking dinner.

But now princess is sound asleep, and I have time for me. Time to cry over the stupid toaster. Time to wish that instead of dealing with a stubborn spoiled only child that I was dealing with sibling rivalry and "mom he's touching me" and "mom she won't stay out of my room". How I grieve for the son I will never know. The nine year old who I'm sure would be too sensitive and too smart for his own good. I look around me and feel so blessed for all that I have. Yet nothing will ever patch this one empty hole in my life. And I would never want it to be patched, for this awful feeling, this feeling that takes my breath away from me, it is all that I have left of him...

an Essay

2007-07-30T00:40:00.000-04:00

It's absurd, really, that I should count this as my favorite possession. My gut tells me that with all I've been through it should be something of Joshua's that is my favorite...my most inspiring possession. Perhaps his blanky or his favorite pillow should be counted as my favorite? I do cherish them. They are as much a part of me as anything in this house. And I suppose if the house were to catch fire I would rescue them before I rescued my favorite thing. The one that tugs at my heart and reminds me of so many things.

Absurd! The word just rings with the contradiction of it all. That I should truly count this as my favorite is absurd. For this little piece of my past came from an amusement park (Cedar Point). Of all places! We went as a church group and I brought along my best friend from high school. I have a picture of us. You know the type, the black and white ones where you dress up as saloon girls and turn over half the money in your purse. We had fun. I don't think I remember a day where I laughed so much.

I'm always amazed that it is still in one piece. It is so small and fragile. We moved a lot when I was young and once I moved out.....well I was not known for staying in one place (I can blame the Air Force for some of that, thank you!). Everytime I moved I just KNEW that would be the time, the move that finally broke it. The time that it would end up losing a wing or a leg. But it never did.

Now it sits in a place of honor in the china cabinet. On the shelf amongst Grace's Precious Moment and the clay bird's nest she made in 1st grade. Sadly it is collecting dust. Just because they are treasured possessions does NOT mean I keep them any cleaner than the rest of my house. When you dig under all the dust, though, this one sparkles. Or maybe just in my eyes because it nudges me and reminds me that life is...

Well, life is only what it is. Nothing lasts forever. I will not be the same person tomorrow as I was yesterday. But the person that I was yesterday (and 25 years ago) will always be a part of who I am now. That person who thought she knew it all, who had a lifetime ahead of her is still hidden somewhere. That's sort of a big message for such a little thing. Maybe that's why it inspires me.

It does double duty. Odd as it seems, a Pegasus was also our school mascot. (Hey! It was a college prep high school, so it's not like we had SPORTS teams - LOL). This way it reminds me of my past in a tangible way. And then it touches my heart in a way that nobody else ever knows.

(Wanting to be true to all of you I snapped the picture dust and all. Just so you could peek inside my messy life.)

I am so excited that Judith has brought back the Artsy Essay. You may play along by clicking HERE. If you don't want to write about it, you should STILL CLICK HERE and follow the links to read what the other entrants have written about. Because I can guarantee you that they are vastly superior to mine!

More Pie Please

2007-07-28T16:02:00.001-04:00

So I'm sitting here eating strawberry pie. And it's really good pie, too. We have this little home grown (as in not a franchise!) burger joint. One of the few that has lasted amidst the McDonald's and Burger Kings of the world. This one happens to be conveniently located close to my house and makes some of the best french fries EVER. The best were made by another little home grown place that closed all it's locations while I was off in the Air Force.

But, I digress. They also make really great pie. Chocolate pie, lemon meringue and in the summer - Strawberry. You order it with lots of whipped cream and you can hardly wait to eat it. Do you eat the fries first? Or the pie? I was a good girl (and OK, can I really call myself good considering what I'm eating?) and ate my hamburger and fries and now I'm eating my delicious strawberry pie. My only complaint is they don't always cut the strawberries so sometime you stick in your fork and pull out this HUGE strawberry. I sort of like my pie to be bite sized at least :-) Overall, I can't complain though! It's also very important to have good crust to make a good pie. Typically I don't like anything but homemade (mom's of course because if you think I'd go through the process of making homemade crust.....HAH!!). But this passes the test and now I'm just stuffing my face. I could use more whipped cream now, though......

I didn't wake up til 11 (ah, it felt so good!) and I pushed lunch as long as I could, this is almost an early dinner. So now I can stuff myself and not be completely miserable at bedtime.

With princess off camping I have settled in to the homework routine. I'm almost ready to take my 3rd history test (have I mentioned that I love self paced classes?!). I can harly wait, in a week and a half classes will be over (my telecourse actually goes til the 20th, but I am planning on finishing them both at the same time so I can spend 2 1/2 weeks with my baby. We haven't had a whole lot of time to play this summer because of my schedule, so I'm fixin' to make up for that.

I gave my notice at work. I love my job and they understand that school comes first. There's no way I'll be able to work next semester and they have opened the door to me again to call whenever I have free time and if they have something for me to do they'll happily let me come and go for a few hours when I am able. I am going to miss being there every week! Dad is self-employed and says if I agree to do some clerical work for him he'll pay me what I'm making now and I can do it at night and whenever is convenient for my schedule. It'll be nice to still have a little pocket money, but working with my dad drives me over the edge sometimes.

I'm really glad there's nothing good on TV because I am slightly more motivated to get to studying for my finals.

Can't you see me running from my computer.....

......maybe in a few more minutes....

Creative

2007-07-15T00:17:00.000-04:00

It's hard to keep the creative juices flowing when you are going to school full-time, working part-time and generally feeling guilty for missing your daughter's summer break. It's already the middle of July, half the summer is practically gone.

We have been to the beach a total of....once. I took her to see Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix at the IMAX (I'm thinkin' I get brownie points for that). We haven't gotten together with any of the friends that I want to see this summer. Haven't made it to Michigan Adventure (in my defense most of the days that I have had off have been TOO hot to go, does that save me at all?). But really we haven't done anything. Not even a memorable trip to the park or anything she can brag about to all her friends.....which come to think of it she hasn't seen this summer so I guess I really don't have to worry.

I'm still on the fence about which school to send her to. I'm 95% sure that she will be switching schools, but I haven't taken that final step and called our old school to tell them that she won't be back. That just seems to final. What if I want to change my mind? What if I am making the wrong decision? On top of that I haven't told the two moms that I carpool with that we for sure won't be going back. I guess that's my project for this week. At least telling the other moms gets me off the carpool hook. If I do decide to send her back I can always ask to be reinstated to the carpool or if they have found somebody else ( I can only dream) I can just drive her myself.

OK, are we all ready for my rant of the week? Yeah, I knew ya' would be. Here it is:

So, this week our city had an officer die on duty. The parents of the shooter (who was violating a restraining order, drunk and threatening to kill his estranged wife and two teen-aged sons) the parents of the shooter go to church with my parents. They are lovely people. I worked with his sister at the hospital (she's a nurse) and know her husband and kids, who are also lovely people.

But here's my problem. Days after this happened I was SHOCKED to see the parents of the shooter being interviewed in their home. SHOCKED. These are private people and from a generation that just would not do such a thing. I asked my mom if she had talked to them and why on earth they did this interview. She told me that they had finally agreed to give an exclusive interview to one of our local news channels because the media just wouldn't leave them alone. I am just so angry. The parents of the shot officer weren't interviewed. But I guess the grief of the shooter's parents isn't to be taken into consideration by the media. On top of that the media over and over gave the address where the shooting happened. Yeah, I'm sure that's just what the wife and kids need - people driving by gauking. As if they haven't gone through enough. Then there was the interview with the officers "girlfriend". I don't know what she was thinking or what the channel was thinking that broadcast it.

On the other hand the funeral service was covered live here all day Friday. It was done beautifully and the members of the media were on their best behavior. I guess they are human being deep down. Deep, deep, deep down!

Girls Rock!

2007-07-06T00:00:00.000-04:00

See who nominated me and who I nominated

(you know CLICK!)

The film Hollywood forgot

2007-06-15T22:14:00.000-04:00

For all of you who have tween girls (or maybe even boys if you can force them into going) in the house, I have great news! Hollywood finally made a movie that doesn't involve scantily clad teens, anything close to sexual innuendo and *gasp* only a few curse words. Yup, you guessed it:

Nancy Drew

I could hardly contain my delight as we watched the movie. Princess didn't move. She was completely lost in the story. It was edge of your seat suspense and I even caught her grabbing my arm a few times as Nancy ventured into dark passageways and was chased by bad guys. There was no blood, no violence (some violence was implied, like a bad guy getting whacked over the head with a shovel) but none of it was shown. Nancy's boyfriend came for a visit and they didn't even hold hands. (Ned did give Nancy a little kiss at the end of the movie, but it was a sweet little kiss).

I really cannot get over how wonderful this movie was. I was disappointed that there weren't more people in the theater. Granted we did see a 4:30 showing, but I'd be surprised if there were 20 people in the theater. Hollywood isn't going to make more movies like this if we don't pay to see 'em people!

Tomorrow I'm going to see Fantastic Four, but I'm sure it won't be anywhere near as family friendly.

The last time I enjoyed summer

2007-06-06T21:33:00.000-04:00

The worst part about being back in school (or more the part of wanting to graduate sometime before Princess graduates - LOL) is that my summers are not my own. Friday is a half day of school for my little 3rd grader and then school's out for the summer.

For her.

Bring on another summer where I barely get to enjoy being a kid with my daughter. Once you take out the time I'm in school and the time I need to be at work (which is as little as possible in the summer) I'm barely going to see her again this summer.

Today was the end of the year field trip. Each grade has their own tradition and for 3rd grade it's a day at the beach. Somehow I got suckered into going. The thought of spending all day outside with almost 80 3rd graders. Tell me that doesn't sound like fun. It's almost a 40 minute ride to the beach and we were pulling in by 9. Yup, that's right, me stuck in a van with 5 nine year olds all before 9 am. Go me!! The day ended up being much better than I anticipated. We went to a park I had never been to before and it was incredible. A nice picnic area on this side of the sand dune with a play ground and lots of grass and trees and grills. The beach was huge and very well kept. I will certainly be taking a trip back in the middle of the summer when it's warm enough to swim.

I got to spend the day talking to some parents that I haven't seen all year. I've been so busy with my classes that I haven't done much in the way of school parties or field trips.

The kids all seemed to have fun. The weather was perfect. After an hour or so it warmed up enough that everybody stripped down to shorts and t-shirts and played their little hearts out. We had planned some "organized" games as a back-up just in case kids weren't having a good time. But they had no trouble amusing themselves all day. After fueling up on hot dogs for lunch most of them headed over to the beach side to dig in the sand and build sand castles. Because Wed afternoon is when the 3rd graders all have gym the gym teacher decided to show up and surprise them. He brought a couple footballs and had them all tackling him before he could even get all the way down to the beach.

Hard to believe that another school year has gone. It feels like a blink of an eye. As with any milestone I look back and wonder if I did the best I could. Are there things I could have done to make this year better for Princess? What should I do differently next year? What should I do the same? All I know for sure is we have grown another year together. Just the two of us. With the help of ever present Grandma and PaPa of course.

So, here's to summer. May yours be filled with lemonade and sunshine - and lots of butterfly kisses.

Who made it OK

2007-05-27T18:58:00.000-04:00

Somewhere along the line it has become acceptable by society to expose our young children to more and more violence and sex and suggestive language. Just take a look around you, TV, movies, video games, heck even bill boards! you can't get away from it! I posted a few posts recently in my other blog (here and here) so forgive me if I am repeating myself but I am a so angry with the overwhelming amount of children who are getting cheated out of their childhood.

Let's start with Shrek. When it first came out Princess was too young to watch it, but now that Shrek the Third has hit theaters I knew that she would be hearing her friends at school talk about it and may ask to be taken to the theater to see it. So, I revisited the original Shrek (which I think is hysterical!) and came to the conclusion that this is not a children's movie. I mean come on, Eddie Murphy? You can't get through a scene in this movie without sexual innuendo or the old comic fall back "potty humor". I really don't need my young child hearing stuff she doesn't understand which she will be tempted to repeat. I never saw the 2nd in the Shrek series and I doubt I'll see this most recent one. I know Princess won't be allowed to until she's about 12!

Which brings me to (yes, you all knew it was coming) the latest installment of Pirates. I liked it better than the 2nd one (which dad and I walked out on). Again, this film was rated PG-13 and so easily could have been done in a way that it was PG. Although as far as I can tell the film rating people might as well just retire. Nobody cares what a film is rated any more. At least half the kids in the audience were under 10 (let alone the 13 that the film rating recommends). But somewhere along the way our society has decided that there is nothing that we can't expose our children to.

Do these kids really want to see these movies? Or is it that the parents want to see them and it's just easier to drag the kids along. The latest installment of Pirates was LONG (run time 170 minutes). What is wrong with kids today that one under the age of 7 can even sit still long enough to watch a movie this long? What are we doing to our society?

Personally I think that somewhere along the way we let moral absolutes go out the window and this has given us carte blanche to be lazy and parent by default. Do whatever is easiest and whatever makes you happiest. The kids will survive somehow.

Easily Frustrated

2007-05-22T23:28:00.001-04:00

I haven't been in a great mood today. School was so boring it was painful. I almost feel asleep in my morning class and after lunch I had a test, (which he gave to us first and then had lecture the 2nd half, why couldn't he have gone the other way around so I could have left early??)

I am also incredibly tired of being a single parent. I don't know how I could have ever married a man who could so easily cast aside his responsibilities and just move on. I don't know how he can think that writing a piddly (and I do mean SMALL) check every month covers his responsibilities in the parenting department. I know this rant is pointless because the logic becomes circular. No, if this is the man he truly is, I don't want things to change. I do not want anything from somebody who is so self absorbed. I wouldn't trade a minute of the last 6 years, despite all the hard work.

It is just not fair that I have to be the grown up. Less than 2 years after our divorce he was remarried ( which was his 3rd "serious relationship" in that amount of time) to somebody he had been dating for less than 6 months. Since then they have moved into their 2nd house (always bigger and better) and bought a new camper, new truck, new motorcycles and now I hear they have a new boat. I am so furious I could just spit. OK, not furious. It just sucks that he gets to be a lousy human being and he gets to rake in the financial rewards.

I know, I could be working full time and leaving the raising of my child to day care. But when the kids were born we decided (well, ok, I guess I thought WE decided - maybe it was just ME decided) that there was nothing more important to me than "being there" and I have chosen to make the sacrifices that I have to ensure that for the most part I am here before school and after school and at all those fun school functions that every grade-schooler needs their parents at.

So there you have it. Today my life just totally feels like it sucks.

And Princess is going camping for the holiday weekend with her idiot father. Because, you know, he has a new boat and he told her she could drive it. Maybe he just knows he has to bribe her to get her to spend time with him.

Grandma is SUCH a bad influence

2007-05-19T20:37:00.000-04:00

...and that goes for Grandpa too. They have corrupted my darling daughter! First it was my mother getting her addicted to annoying shows like Deal or No Deal and Identity. (Why? WHY?!!) and now it's my dad! It seems there was a time when Grandpa was left in charge of babysitting and he introduced my daughter to another annoying show.

So, here I sit. Humoring my daughter...because I can't come up with a reason NOT to let her watch it.

Ninja Warrior

Seriously, I can't find anything wrong with it, aside from the fact that I can't figure out WHY we're watching it.

Where did my child develop this strange taste in entertainment?

On an "up" note she picked this week to finally take a liking to some movies that I like. We watched Spiderman, Spiderman 2 and X-men so far - tomorrow morning it's X-men 2 and maybe later this week we'll toss in the Fantastic Four. I never thought we'd find a genre of movies that we both liked!

Right now there are women on Ninja Warrior. If I don't watch her, Princess will want to start training and ask for a trip to Japan for her next birthday!

It's THAT time again

2007-05-17T22:37:00.000-04:00

Cheerleading - the bane of mothers everywhere. Well, not ALL mothers, but THIS mother in particular. I am scared of all things girlie. But Princess just loves all things pink and sparkly and giggly. So, there it is, I am about to be a cheer mom for the 2nd year in a row.

Sign up for Sideline cheer was tonight. I dropped a pretty penny to sign her up. And of course we had to have new sweats because she outgrew her sweatshirt and sweatpants from last year. And this year they had new gold warm up shorts instead of the black ones, so we HAD to have those. Then, of course, there was the 3 day cheerleading camp with the varsity cheerleaders in June. Princess did that last year and really enjoyed it, so we signed up to do that again.

Thankfully I'm a good actress and Princess has no clue that I loathe cheerleading. Well, maybe she's aware that it's not my favorite choice of activities for her. I may have let it slip that I'd rather she sign up for a hockey team - LOL. But she knows I'm behind her 100%, I even agreed to be an assistant coach if they need one. You have NO idea how painful that was for me!

Practice doesn't start until almost the end of August. It's only rocket football afterall, so we don't have to be perfect. This way I have all summer to warm up to the idea.

I'm almost hoping they will need me to help out as an assistant coach. It would be good experience for my future teaching career; spending time with snotty little girls and their annoying parents and doing it all with a smile on my face. I'm good. I can do it.

Breaking Bad Habits

2007-05-16T21:27:00.000-04:00

Ah, the joys of motherhood. Although this time I guess I am as much to blame as the princess. We are in the midst of breaking a bad habit. And, of course, I am totally to blame. Just ask her, she'll tell you!

You see Princess has been sleeping in my bed. I didn't think much of this until we got back from our vacation in Florida. I set one of our suitcases on the end of her bed and wouldn't you know it, around came the middle of April and the dang suitcase was still on her bed! Then, somewhere in the back of my head a little alarm went off. I KNEW she was sleeping with me every night, but somehow I didn't KNOW she wasn't sleeping in her own bed. I know, it doesn't make much sense, but there it is.

One of the few perks of single parenting is when your 9 year old crawls into your queen sized bed with you, it's not quite as invasive as if there is another person already in that bed. So I let it go. It would seem I let it go for a really long time.

Down came the suitcase, and still no luck getting her back in her own bed. I guess since it's almost always just the two of us all day long, she figured she should be able to be in my room all night too. It's not even like she NEEDS to be in my room. She's not one of those kids who gets hysterical left alone in her room, she's not afraid of the dark. I don't know what it is.

From the time my kids were young I've always kept my eyes out for these "trappish" kind of things. They were never allowed to have pacifiers out of bed (or carseat when they were little!), I've always had it dark at night, took them in the shower with me, heck I never even cut the crust off their bread. I just figure if they get used to something one way when they are young, it's harder to break those habits when they are older.

I just don't know how I let this sleeping pattern get out of control....ah, but I have found a solution. I say this like it is a major accomplishment, and yet I know that if her wanting to sleep with me is the biggest of my worries, I am really a very lucky mom. But, I decided to force my hand and make her sleep in her own bed. I had her help me do some rearranging in my bedroom this weekend and in the process I set several large things on my bed. And then, darn, we ran out of time so....

Aren't I awful? She has been sleeping in her bed all week and I have been sleeping on the couch. Which is a bad habit for me because now I can fall asleep in front of the TV. Shame on me! My strategy is working though. She has fallen in love with her room all over again and I think on Friday I will move everything off my bed and see how it goes.

I'm looking forward to having that big bed all to myself!

Practically Mother's Day

2007-05-11T21:50:00.000-04:00

Yes, it's practically Mother's Day. No, I don't like Mother's Day any better this year than I did last year (or any of the last 7 years since Josh died).

But I do like being a mother.

When I was younger, when I left home to join the Air Force almost twenty years ago, I never imagined I would be a mother. Honestly, I had no desire to have children and had it been my choice I would have never gotten pregnant. But, 1994 rolled around and despite the pill (which, you know, is what - 99% effective - leave it to me to be the odd one out) I found myself pregnant (and shocked!)

So, there you have it. The beginning of motherhood. It does not come that easily to all mothers. I truly believe that there are "mothers" out there that have not been blessed with children. Some of those have been able to create a family by adoption and others are left with empty arms, but they are certainly mothers at heart. What is it about a mother that is so different from any body else in the world?

I can't remember a time when my mother wasn't there for me when I needed her. And let's face it, a lot of times when I DON'T need her.....there she is. I know I shouldn't complain. I know there are plenty of people out there who got the short end of the mother stick and would love to have their mother in their business all the time. I know I'm lucky. My mom is great. My house was always the place my friends wanted to hang out on the weekends and after school. It wasn't because we had the nicest house or all the cool new gadgets. Money was always tight when I was little, but my mom always made our house great.

When I had children of my own, I know I fell back quickly on all the things I remember my mom doing for me. She was always there. I knew that if I could do nothing else for my kids, I would just be here...here to kiss boo-boos and praise successes, here to laugh over a bowl of cheerios and even over a grilled cheese sandwich (yup, you guessed it, I'm a gourmet cook!). I drive a 10-year old mini-van so that I have enough room to haul around friends and bikes and whatever the occassion calls for. I'm back in school so that I can carve out a career that allows me to continue to be here when it's time to leave for school, and come home and do homework. When I became a mother my life suddenly went from being about me, to being about everything BUT me. Dads seem to have a magic switch that Moms just don't have as standard equipment. Moms are ON 24 hours a day 7 days a week. Dad can be dad when he's home from work (and if he's a really good dad he helps out with late night feedings and scary dreams) but Dad can tune it out, turn it off, live in his own little world. Moms can't. Children become this all consuming job.

You can read every handbook out there and you are still completely unprepared for what being a mother really means. How can one event change a life so drastically?

Princess is 9. Although it has been "just the two of us" for 6 years now, we still have our special time of the day. Bedtime is mommy-daughter time and each night I wonder how much longer she will let me tuck her in. We talk about our days. I become the secret keeper as she giggles and tells me about the silly things she did with her friends at recess. We lay in the dark on her bed (well, whichever bed she decides she is sleeping in!) and talk until the clock hits bedtime. We pray for friends and family, we pray that God will soften our hearts and work through us to make our lives shine with His light. And I scratch her back. I would spend all day scratching her back if she had a say in the matter. But at bedtime she knows I will not protest when she tells me to just keep scratching for one more minute.

There are days when I wonder what my life would be like had I not had children. Where would I be living? Would I be as close with my parents? What kind of a job would I have? So many variables. One event that changes a life forever.

I am a good mother. I am NOT a good housekeeper. I am NOT organized. I am NOT a great cook (good, but not great). I am NOT perfect. I can already see mistakes I have made in my short years as a mother. But it's OK. I think despite my shortfalls, Princess will be well rounded enough to make a place for herself in this world.

Balancing Blogs

2007-05-10T23:17:00.000-04:00

I don't know how other people do it. They seem to have enough interesting things to say and have a blog here, a blog there, and throw a MySpace page in there you've hit the trifecta. I haven't been interesting in a while. I've hit my "other blog" a little bit, but I need to find a direction.

I like this space. I like that I could (COULD if I knew how!) make it my own. Maybe in my sparetime this summer between working and schooling and mommying I'll teach myself how to write code and give this place a few splashes.

It would be a shame to let it go to waste.

I used to have opinions and topics to write about.

What happened?

It is possible that I need inspiration? Or maybe just a big bowl of ice cream. Yeah, that's it, Ice Cream the cure for all things that go wrong. Make it chocolate ice cream. Or maybe Strawberry cheese cake ice cream with hot fudge and whipped cream and nuts and a big cherry on top.

Princess doesn't like cherries - but she does love ice cream. With lots of sprinkles.

We made the perfect ice cream sundaes a few weekends ago. We used mint chocolate chip ice cream. That sounds good too, doesn't it? Princess prefers the whipped cream that you have to squeeze out of a can through a nozzle. I don't, but heck it basically all tastes the same so why not humor the kid. She loves to pour it right in her mouth and as she gets closer and closer to turning 10 all I can think is I don't ever want her to be one of those kids that huffs to get high.

But how do you know? How do you know if you child is going to be easily swayed into trying drugs of any kind. I am pretty sure she won't ever smoke. Her dad has pretty much ruined her for that. Which is at least one useful thing he has done for her. About the only one, but I guess I should take what I can get.

She's so desperate to please people. I worry that she will be easily dragged down a slippery slope of sex or drugs or some other vice. On the other hand she is stubborn and bossy and opinionated, so maybe that will serve her well.

I guess all I can do is just keep talking to her and love her and know that whatever happens it is in His hands and not mine.

Merry Christmas!

2006-12-25T20:31:00.000-05:00

I do hate it when life gets in the way of my computer time.

The good news - I got a B! I'm so excited! Still hung over with exhaustion from all the work, and not quite sure how I pulled it off - but I'll take a B. The bad news, I have to take her again next year! OY! I'm not lookin' forward to that!

But, winter break has been good. I am working a lot of hours (well, a lot for me anyway). Princess had her last day of school last Tue and is off until the 3rd. I'm not sure about the rest of the country, but most of the school around here went right up through last Friday and have off until the 8th. It was nice having her home for a few days during the last minute Christmas rush. I had last Thursday off so we did out last minute shopping together.

We had a wonderful Christmas. Even though mom only lives a mile away, it's our tradition to sleep over at her house and open presents there in the morning. This works out well for me because I am such a Grinch! I used to love decorating for the holidays but the last few years I just have NO desire to do it. I didn't even put the tree up this year - now that's bad! Princess got a gift certificate to Build-a-Bear from Grandpa and one to Claire's from my brother. Guess there's a trip to the mall in my future this week (*ew*).

I've been gone so long it seems like I should have so much more to say.

Dad & I tried to go see Rocky on Sat morning, but the theater was too busy for our taste. We did see The Nativity Story a couple weeks ago. THAT was a great movie! I can't tell you how many times I cried. I felt like I was really getting a glimpse of what Mary & Joseph went through. I'm sure we can only imagine the hardships that they faced in that time and place. I loved how they portrayed the Wise Men. I know once it comes out on DVD Princess & I will have a few laughs over those Wise Men!

Santa brought me a Palm Pilot, which is just what I asked for. I also got jammies and gift certificates for the car was. Princess got the coolest new toy that I could find it's a Disney Mix Max You can use it like an MP3 player and listen to music or you can buy little cards (like the size of the memory card for your camera) that have movies on them! She's in love - it's so very pink. She also got a Tamagotchi from Grandma. Now there is one annoying toy. But, it seems that all the girls at school have one and modern technology allows you to connect to other tamagotchi's and play games. So, you see, she just HAD to have one! If that thing beeps at me one more time it's going to get hit with a hammer *evil chuckle*.

My schedule next semester is ugly again. Since I dropped 3 classes last semester I have to make them up this time around. Of course 2 of the ones that I need to take are both offered at 10 MWF. Figures. And there are only 2 sections of each class and the other sections of both totally throw off my schedule! For the most part it's not too bad. I am in class MWF from 9-noon and then I can work Tue & Thur. But then I have to be back in class T & Th from 4-5:15. I guess it's not as bad as this semester being in class from 5-7 was crappy! The 3rd class that I dropped is looking hopeless. It's not offered at a decent time at the community college next semester OR this summer. My only hope is that when the summer schedule comes out for the University that it will be offered.

I have to go out this week and get my Statistics book. YUCK! I cannot tell you how much I am not looking forward to taking Statistics.

Since it's Christmas, I shouldn't end this post by complaining!

Merry Christmas to all of you. May God bless you and shower you with the gentle peace that you can only find in Him.

The greatest of these...

2006-11-27T22:37:00.000-05:00

So, the sermon yesterday was incredible. It was a topic that was near and dear to my heart. Mostly because it is one I struggle with.

The pastor was reflecting on a couple of verses in Matthew. Specifically Matthew 22:37-39, which says "...'YOU SHALL LOVE THE LORD YOUR GOD WITH ALL YOUR HEART, AND WITH ALL YOUR SOUL, AND WITH ALL YOUR MIND. This is the great and foremost commandment. The second is like it, 'YOU SHALL LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR AS YOURSELF.'"

I've been reflecting on my own favorite question, "can the world tell what I believe or that I believe or ANYTHING about me by the way I act?" or maybe "what does the world think of me based on the way I act?" I'm not sure which answer is scarier. And I guess my favorite local D.J. must have been wondering the same thing lately because every morning last week the banter between songs seemed to include little messages like "the stores are crowded today so if you're heading out remember that you are a child of God and your actions should reflect that".

Which got me to thinking about all the opportunities that I miss out on to simply be nice. Oh, now, don't get me wrong. I'm basically a nice person. I'm the mom the teacher calls when she needs something. I'm the one who brings snacks to college when we're overloaded with homework and I can tell everybody needs a break. I don't let traffic get to me (not like there's a TON of traffic in West Michigan).

Anyway, so back to the sermon. I was listening as the pastor talked about how once we loved people (and I mean REALLY love people) the rest of the commandments fall into line. And that totally makes sense. But, it's not as easy as it sounds. Is it?

And then he pulled out the kicker. He quoted from an article written by a self-professed atheist - an article which extolled the virtues of charity. Yup, charity. The article speaks to the aftermath of Hurrican Katrina. It's from 2005, but as I search the internet I find references to the tens of thousands of volunteers who have travelled to the gulf coast. I know churches from West Michigan are still sending relief teams to lend a hand. All this as 2006 draws to an end.

So, if you're looking for proof that simply loving your neighbor can make a difference, I encourage you to go and read the article. See for yourself how love shines above all other things.

Article -

Faith Does Breed Charity

Silence is Golden

2006-11-13T20:21:00.000-05:00

So...

the presentation was not great. It was OK, just not great. Some of them were REALLY (and I mean REALLY) good. Ours was just OK. But, it's over and done with and the content was there, so I think our grade will be decent.

Friday night I took Princess to see the Cheetah Girls. It was 2 1/2 hours away, and as luck would have it. She got sick on the way down. Joy. Her friend (and her friend's mom) were really great and didn't complain about our couple delays. It did end up working perfectly. We walked into the venue just as the warm up act was singing. So, we didn't miss any of Vanessa Anne Hudgins or Cheetah Girls. Our seats were good, the venue was a performance hall, not an arena, so there wasn't really a bad seat in the house, but ours was the last row before an aisle so we could step over the back of our seats to get out. And let me just tell you we NEEDED to get out! The place was not air conditioned (can you even imagine!). So, 4,000+ people in a hot room with a sick 9 year old. It was a lovely evening. We were seated near the main entrance so when we stepped out to the lobby there was lots of fresh air from the freezing outside. That seemed to make her feel a little better and we could hear the music from out there. She did make it through most of the concert, and maybe the last 1/4th we were out of the theater. She kept peaking in just to see what they were wearing. For the amount of times they changed their clothes they could have sang six more songs - ROFL. I was amazed at how many WHOLE families were there. I figured there would be lots of "one mom with a couple of girls" kind of thing, especially considering the price of the tickets. There were even a few poor brothers in the lot who you can tell were DRAGGED kicking and screaming! Poor kids. But anyway, Princess fell asleep quickly on the ride home so at least that was peaceful.

And then she was sick all weekend. But the fun doesn't end there. Her great-grandma (her dad's grandma) died on Saturday. So, he picked her up tonight to take her to the funeral (an hour away) tomorrow. Of course, she came home sick from school today - so good luck to him with that one. Hopefully by morning she'll feel better. HOPEFULLY

Did I mention her dad picked her up? This means I am sitting in an empty (quiet) house. Avoiding writing yet another paper. Eating Oreo's (no NOT double stuff - EW). Drinking Pepsi. Watching some stupid show on TV.

It's heaven.

Yikes!

2006-11-08T09:07:00.000-05:00

I have a huge presentation tonight. It's worth a fifth of my grade, and while I'm not usually nervous about these presentations - this one is a group thing and the two people that I am working with are so much smarter than me! Which I guess is a great thing, I'm just not used to being the slow one in a group!

I've made my contributions - thankfully neither of them can do powerpoint so I got the honor of putting that together. At least I feel like I've done SOMETHING!

Of course the weather this week has decided to thaw out so my allergies have kicked back in. Last night I was up at 1, and then again at 4. Of course at 4 I couldn't get back to sleep and the last I remember looking at the clock it was 6:20 (and of course the alarm goes off at 6:50 to get Princess up and ready for school!)

Now my voice is crackling and I have an awful feeling that even if I keep my mouth shut all day I'm still not going to be able to talk much tonight. Perfect day to get no sleep and lose my voice!

Ah well, it will all work out in the end!

Another Poll

2006-11-01T09:01:00.000-05:00

I logged onto AOL (yeah, yeah, don't even get me started. In my defense I've been using AOL since 1989 and heck - it's just a hard habit to break! I do use it less and less as the days go by, but I guess I'm just addicted to being spoon fed....Anyway!)

I logged on the other day and on the main welcome page there was a headline that went something like "President Bush says we're winning in Iraq. Tell us what you think" With a link to a page where they took a poll asking if I thought we were winning in Iraq.

Crap like this REALLY pisses me off. The media have somehow lulled us in the past 20 years into thinking we have all the facts. And that based on what we see on TV (and the few people who bother to read the newspaper) we are qualifed to make judgements on ANYTHING! Nevermind that most people can't name their Senators or Representatives in Congress - let alone find Iraq on a map!! But hell yeah, let's just change our foreign policy based on a poll of people who are getting their information from the American media. Gee, that sounds like a really great plan to me.

And speaking of the media. The Gubernatorial race here in Michigan is making me SICK to my stomach. The ads both sides are running are so obviously full of half truths, I can't bring myself to vote for either of them. On top of that (and the one that REALLY pisses me off) is our current Democratic governor has taken to running a horrid commercial about her stand on abortion, verses that of her opponent. Not even taking into account that the ad makes me want to run out and vote for the Republican, what gets me is this... Since when does the Governor have any control over the availability of abortions in Michigan? Seriously? What point does this ad serve other than to try and get stupid people to change their opinions based on some perceived injustice?

I guess it mostly angers me that the American public is content with being so ignorant of what is going on around them. I'd like to run an experiment and get an advertising campaign going on a national network. Something stupid like "profits from snow shovels linked to terrorism" and see if we can get everybody in the north to stop buying shovels to shovel their driveways. Or maybe "eating marshmallows linked to weight loss" - maybe we could get marshmallow sales up!

What I didn't do

2006-10-22T01:03:00.000-04:00

I didn't do the homework I should have done today (as usual, there is always tomorrow *sigh*)

What DID I do today?

I went to see a movie with my dad.

Facing the Giants

All I can say is WOW.

I've seen the reviews, heard it was a low budget movie, where the preaching didn't come through as "preachy" or rehearsed as most low budget "God movies".

I wasn't prepared for how relevant the movie was...at least for me.

I've said it before, but it seems that saying it out loud enough times isn't helping me get the point. I have become lazy in my faith. So lazy. I am failing my daughter in this respect and my parents are getting down right rude about it (which of course just makes me stay away from church all the more, 'cause you know, I'm acting like a child!)

Anyway, the movie...

Basically it was the story of a coach at a Christian High School in Georgia and his struggle with an average football team. Since they have nothing to lose, they decide to turn their team over to God and praise Him in losing - and if it is His will - winning. With his young wife, there are financial struggles, a car that never starts, a stove that stops working...and unforseen medical expenses when they start to investigate infertility problems.

OK, that's not the best synopsis ever, but you get the point.

I won't ruin the story for you, but let me say what caught my breath was the way that God answered some of the prayers of the characters in this story. Having watched my child die, I guess I am used to being on the "losing" end of the prayer thing. Which isn't to say that I haven't seen Him perform miracles in the lives of other children with cancer. And these miracles did not always go to God-fearing families who were spending hours on their knees. It is enough for me to know that His way is higher than mine, and that I need not know why He does what He does. But, it's also easy to forget that there are miracles out there. There are so many challenges in my life that I forget to give over ownership of all the crap. It's easier to hold onto it, easier to do it all myself. But His glory will not thrive in my life is I continue to close off rooms in my heart.

The story that they told in the film went something like this "Two farmers were watching their crops die because it had not rained. Both prayed for rain. But only one farmer was preparing his fields for the rain, while the other continued to pray. Which one do you think really believed that God could send the rain?"

And which kind of farmer do I want to be? Am I preparing my life to bloom where it is planted? Not most days. Most days I am trying desperately to dig my life up and plant it someplace else. Someplace better. Someplace with fewer challenges. Someplace easier.

Did Job replant himself when God allowed his trials to descend upon him? I think not! (and lets face it, I'm definately no Job)

And then the movie ended with one of my favorite Casting Crowns songs

"Voice of Truth"

Oh what I would do to have
The kind of faith it takes
To climb out of this boat I'm in
Onto the crashing waves

To step out of my comfort zone
Into the realm of the unknown where Jesus is
And He's holding out His hand

..........

So I guess I'm going to resolve to let Him take my hand, because I cannot (CANNOT) do this myself.

Writing

2006-10-18T22:02:00.000-04:00

I haven't been writing lately.

Oh, I've been blogging...but for the most part I don't feel like I've been writing. Not the creative, lay your feelings on the line kind of writing. Nothing has pushed it's way to the front of my brain for a long time. At least nothing screaming "Write me! Write me!"

It's silly, really it is. I feel sort of lost without this passion. I love to write and the fact that I haven't felt like it lately has contributed a large part to the funk that I've been feeling. It's not the sort of thing you can force yourself to do. Well, I can't anyway. I want it to come back. Or maybe I just want it to come back so I can feel like I'm on the upswing of whatever this cloud is.

Starting next week I'm back to working 3 days a week for a few hours. Maybe something to fill my days will help my brain get back on track. Maybe... I don't know.

Life without passion is very dull indeed. I suppose I should be thankful for these mundane, boring times in my life. But in the end I want to find my way back to a me that I used to be. Then again, is that a good thing to wish for? Should I be trying to work forward and create some new version of me instead of trying to put pieces back together to create an old me - a me that I was comfortbable with and understood.

It's all so frustrating! Being the patient person that I am (NOT!) I'm just going to have to ride this out and see where I end up.

Mish Mash

2006-10-14T23:45:00.000-04:00

Gosh, it's been a day!

For starters, I need to complain about the weather! Oh My Goodness! It's cold! We're setting record low "high" temps here in West Michigan and man, are my toes feeling it!

Next up a brief rant on the people I carpool with. Come to find out this week M-W one of the girls that I bring home after school was out of town with her parents. Do you think they bothered to tell me that I wouldn't need to pick her up? Or that I should pick her up Thursday? But, I handled it, because hey, she has 3 young kids and sometimes your brain just doesn't connect all the dots, you think you told somebody something and you didn't. It's an honest mistake. So, I go to get her Friday and her teacher says that dad was a chaperone on the field trip today and she went home with him. WHAT?!! Oh, but wait, it gets better. Turns out my mom hears through the grapevine that this sweet child is staying with her grandparents next week because mom & dad are out of town. Do you think anybody mentioned this to me?!!

It's just those little things that add up during the week and make you want to explode. Princess was home again this weekend, which meant another football game for mommy (did I mention how cold it is here?). So, being the smart mommy that I am - I headed over to Meijer and hit the hunting aisle and picked up toe and hand warmers. And not just for me & Princess, but for all 10 girls...because, hey, that's just the kind of nice mom that I am. While I was there I even found black fleece headbands on sale for 3 bucks so I bought them too. Figured if all the girls had them, the coach would have to let them wear something! While I'm leaving the store I get a call from the coach. She's in major stress mode, trying to get ready for a party Saturday afternoon and she checked the by-laws which say if the coach can't make it a parent can step in so could I please run the game....

Have I mentioned yet that the game was 1/2 north of here and it started at 8:30 which means the cheerleaders needed to show up by 8? Oh, yeah, I was stinkin' thrilled. But, since I was going to be there anyway, I told her I'd be happy to. Don't worry about it, I said, we'll be fine! What was I thinking? It was like every parent there had it in for us. Nobody was on time. Sure, it was out of town so there were some who got a little lost, but some of us managed to give ourselves extra time knowing we were venturing into uncharted territory. I feel a little bad now because I grumbled a little more than I probably should have to a couple of other moms. But, in my defense it was 8 in the morning and it was 35 degrees out! One of the dad's popped off with a comment about how he was going to call the rocket football league because he was tired of our coach. I hope he doesn't, I mean we only have one game left after all, why ruin it for the poor volunteer coaches who (I hope) are just doing the best they can. Even if they are annoying us!

Aside from the cold the game was fun, the girls did great. After the game we had carnival at Princess' school. We hung out there for a couple hours and then came back home for a peaceful afternoon. It was nice to just be able to spend time with her - without anyplace we needed to be and anything we really needed to be doing.

Now, as not to spend all of my posts complaining...

I was thinking this week about something I had never thought about before. I went on a burger run earlier this week and picked up burgers and fries for lunch or dinner or something for me and mom & dad. And I thought, how great is it that with all the tastes of all the foods, our God created the midwest full of cows and tomatoes and potatoes. Because what goes better with a burger than catsup? How is it that lime trees grow down south? When we all know that nothing goes better with seafood then a great big slice of key lime pie for dessert? How amazing is it that our God loves us so much that he has provided these little pleasures for us. Things we take so for granted that we don't usually even think about them. He could have created a world where there was no pleasure in eating. Where there were no onions or mushrooms to put on our burgers. But He didn't. In the myriad of arguments against this world being created as an accident I would have to ask this one "What are the odds that so many plants on this planet are fit to be consumed by it's inhabitants?" If it were all truly an accident my bet would be that we would not have nearly as many wonderful things to eat!

Just a thought :-)

Because...

2006-10-11T00:48:00.000-04:00

...if I'm annoyed, then you should be too!

Here's just a taste of how a good part of my day went (picture yourself in the mini-van driving to and from school with 5 children in the van with you)

Going to school...

This is the song that never ends.
Yes it goes on, and on my friend,
Some people, started singing it not knowing what it was,
And they'll continue singing it forever just because,
This is the song that never ends.
Yes it goes on, and on my friend,

...you get the point.

So I get smart and on the way home I say "absolutely no one is singing the song we sang on the way to school this morning"

So I give you the ride home...

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves,
Everybody's nerves, everybody's nerves. I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves,
And this is how it goes...
(Next verse, same as the first, it never gets better, it only gets worse.)
I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves,

Ah, I'm gonna have to shoot whoever taught them that second one 'cause when they left for school this morning, they only knew the one!

Gone Fishin'

2006-10-08T21:30:00.000-04:00

How I would love to just put a sign on my door "gone fishin'".

I've decided it's hopeless to try to finish 3 of my classes. The 3 that I am taking with the same professor. I know my limits and I need certain things to succeed and he is not givine me ANYTHING to work with! I'll just bite the bullet and withdraw from the classes - take them again next semester. I still have one class I can finish and hopefully the doctor's office will be able to find some hours for me - because you know those darn financial aid people are going to want their money back! I think I'm OK with the whole thing, but I hate being in this situation. This means classes again next summer. GRRRRR

It helps if I blame it on idiot (although it's sort of a stretch to go there). He's off camping again this weekend...and next...So that means less time for homework and more carting the princess around. Only 3 more games left though, I have to take her to at least 2 of those, which means mister "we'd love to take her to the games" will have taken her to a whopping two games total. Oh, well, 3 if we count the varsity game she got invited to from her cheer clinich this summer.

She's been complaining about her knee for a while now and the coach at the gym tonight said we should probably get it looked at - said he thinks it looks a little bit "crooked". UM? CROOKED? Not sure exactly what that means, but I figure it's probably not a good thing! I'm also fairly sure that a referral is going to mean a CT - and I'm just not sure...well I AM sure that I'm going to be totally panicked the whole time we are in radiology. I'm tired of my brain screaming cancer everytime my daughter doesn't feel good.

She also hasn't gotten up enough nerve to decide completely that she isn't going camping with idiot this weekend. She doesn't want to go - she wants to stay home and go to her game. She LOVES cheerleading (shhhhh! don't tell!). But you know, he's going to make her feel guilty and like she's letting him down. Of course, mention that he could stay home too and take her to the game? Heaven forbid!

We had fun with her home this weekend though. She ordered a "how to crochet" book with her last scholastic book order so this weekend she crocheted over a pony and it came out so cute! After cheerleading we went to see a movie with Sweetie and her mom and little brother. Over the Hedge was the Dove film this week. For the bargain price of $2 for adults and all kids free we packed into a movie theater with 500 other people and laughed our butts off. Now, Sweetie's little brother is only 6 (and acts younger than that) so I'm not sure it's the kind of movie I would have taken him to - but then again I wouldn't have taken him to see Harry Potter 4 or Pirate of the Carribbean 2 either, so I guess this one was tame by comparison.

I don't think I'm happy right now. I hate being on the verge of whatever this is.

I don't want to be this girl. The one slowly losing grip on reality. I want to be the together one. The one who knows what she wants, and somehow pulls it all together.

I wonder where she went?

Happy Birthday Princess

2006-10-03T09:05:00.000-04:00

It's hard to believe she's 9 already...

But of course for every celebration there is the quiet tugging on my heart...

...what would he have been like when he was 9?

Procrastinating (as usual)

2006-10-01T10:52:00.000-04:00

Honestly, I have so much I SHOULD be doing right now! But, my brain just can't take it anymore. I have two (count them, one, TWO) tests tomorrow and I don't feel like I'm prepared for either of them. What I am prepared for is having to take some of these classes again next semester because I just don't feel like I'm "getting it" the first time around. We'll see, maybe in the next few weeks some magic switch will magically go on and it will all become clear!

It's been a busy weekend here. Idiot actually took Princess Friday night, which left plenty of time for me to do homework. She took part in a cheer clinic this summer that the Varsity girls ran as a fund raiser this summer. As part of her "graduation" she got invited to go cheer for the 1st quarter of a Varsity game - which happened to be last Friday. So, idiot picked her up about his usual 5:00 and then had to have her at the field by 6:15. On top of that she had her game Saturday morning for her junior cheer. They had to be at the field at 7:45! (so glad it wasn't me!) Plus it was an away game, 30 minute drive on top of having to be there so early.....really, REALLY glad it wasn't me! I am NOT a morning person! It was cold and rainy and her shoes are covered in mud, but she says they had a good time.

Go figure, she likes cheerleading so much she can't even complain about being out in the 50 degree rainy weather!

On top of all my homework we are gearing up for Princess' birthday. It's on Tuesday and it just seems like there is so much to do! She decided she wanted to make chocolate pretzels for her school treat (you buy the chocolate buttons by the bakers stuff and melt them and then dip the pretzels and then lay them out on wax paper to dry......which if you don't want to waste a lot of chocolate takes a while because you hand dip each pretzel. I'm thinking about going back to the store to get more chocolate and lining all the pretzels up and just pouring it over!!) She's going to be 9. I can hardly believe my baby is going to be NINE! We're taking a couple friends ice skating this afternoon. Then back to grandma's for birthday cake and to play for a few minutes. Of course we still need to be at her tumbling class by 6.

Maybe I can convince her not to go to tumbling tonight? I've got class til 7 tomorrow night so I really don't know when we are going to make pretzels!

We'll figure it out. I really don't need to sleep anyway, right?

And for those of you who have given up checking - the National Geographic cam was up about 11:00(eastern) when I checked it. So, hang in there and just keep checking :-)

What in the world?

2006-09-26T23:38:00.000-04:00

You know how some days you just really, really wonder what is wrong with people? What have we become as Americans (well, inhabitants of the planet earth in general) over the last few generations that causes so many people to act in ways that make you wanna say WTF!

GO HERE

No, really, you could GO HERE TOO

Now, had enough?

Well, in that case, you should definately GO HERE to unwind (best viewing time is 12-4 am Eastern or 4-8 pm Eastern, and be patient because it's offline a lot, but your first glance at a live giraffe in the middle of Africa drinking from a pond and I know you'll be hooked just like me :-) )

My Brain Hurts

2006-09-23T01:22:00.000-04:00

All summer, when I felt like I was getting my ass kicked in Calculus 2.....well it turns out I might as well have been on vacation. 'Cause what's really killin' me are my classes this semester! I have never had so much homework. Most of which I avoid doing because I just don't "get" most of it. I'm going to have to break down and start working with a tutor and let me just tell you how much that kills me!

Like I have time in my life for a tutor. Like I am actually going to get off my butt and try and find one next week (you know, in all my spare time).

Next week I start observing a geometry class.

Have I mentioned that I can't wait for this semester to be over?

I am so tired. At the end of the day I am just plain mentally exhausted.

Idiot is off camping this weekend. I'm just so glad he agreed to take on this whole cheerleading project. Let's see, he's taken her to precisely....oh right, ZERO games! I know, I know, I'm not really complaining because I like to be involved. But geesh, if you tell your kid you're going to do something you don't turn around and make plans to go camping (and then make her feel guilty because she doens't want to go camping with you). GRRRRR

So, Princess gets to have Sweetie over for a sleepover tomorrow. We'll pick her up after the football game and pig out on junk food and watch movies and listen to the Cheetah Girls CD, all the while dancing around the living room like idiots.

Did we all see Gray's Anatomy on Thursday?!!(it was really, really good Christy :-P) How great is this season going to be?!! Not much else is drawing my attention this season. I did watch Studio 60 on Sunset Strip. I think that's a maybe, but it makes me wish West Wing was back. I watched Law & Order tonight, and I wasn't too impressed. Feels like it's going to be Numbers here on Friday night, except maybe when the reruns come on. I didn't watch ER, didn't even interest me. And I DON'T do any of the reality TV (which drives my mother crazy every time she misses a show and asks me what happened).

My allergies are killing me, i have to take so much medication to be able to breath that i can't stay awake (she says as she types at 1:30 am.....but that's because I slept so long this afternoon!)

Man, I can't even follow a complete thought through, can I? I better go crawl in bed and rest up for sitting in the rain at Princess' game tomorrow *sigh*

The good and the bad

2006-09-17T21:14:00.000-04:00

It's always good to get the bad news out of the way first. So, the bad news is - my internet was down all weekend! A girl could suffer serious withdrawl symptoms!

But, the good news! I had a ton of homework this weekend, and without internet I got a ton done. Plus, it was a gorgeous weekend! Princess had another 4:00 football game so we didn't have to drag ourselves out of bed early AND we got to enjoy the perfect football afternoon.

You should have seen the game, it was priceless. We got to the field and the boys were already on the practice field warming up so the girls grabbed a corner and started stretching. Once the game before us got done the boys headed over to the playing field and the girls followed in close order. When the boys realized that the cheerleaders were coming to their field there were many shouts of "hey, we have CHEERLEADERS today!" (I have never laughed so hard in my life - you should have heard them!) But, it was cute. The boys were thrilled, the girls were thrilled and we even won the game 22-6. Ya can't beat that!

Fashion DON'T (and other rants)

2006-09-14T00:13:00.000-04:00

So, it was cold and rainy again today. Not complaining TOO loud because we do need the rain. But does it have to rain the hardest at the exact moments I need to walk from my vehicle all the way across campus to get to my class? Why don't college campuses have parking lots adjacent to their largest classroom buildings? Why are the best and biggest parking lots on the side of the campus that has the football field? Where, may I add, there are NO classrooms?

Ranting about the rain. Do they NOT teach young drivers how to drive anymore? Leave extra space between you and the car in front of you when it's raining this hard because you WON'T be able to stop. There is a TON of water on the road and you are going to get yourself hurt! (mostly because I am going to slap you silly if you cut me off one more time....) AND have automatic lights made us freakin stupid? When it's dark and raining and gray (especially if you have a silver car people!) turn your damn lights on. AND when the power goes out, that light at the busy intersection that's out - yeah, it doesn't mean you can drive right through it because the car in front of you went through it, it's a four way stop! Or have the rules of driving changed since I went through drivers ed?

....and that was just my drive TO school :-)

Now, fashion police. If you are older than me and have obviously had a couple kids (or a couple too many cases of beer) you should NOT cut the bottoms off your t-shirts so that you can wear them 1/2 an inch above your jeans and let your roll of fat jiggle for all to see. Next, if you are a poor college student and the only pair of shoes that you have are flip flops (you know the cheap kind with the annoying hard piece of plastic that goes between your toes)I don't care HOW cold it is, please, please, PLEASE, do NOT wear socks with your flip flops!

I am now going back to figuring out how a vector of origin relates to the centroid of a flippin triangle (can you tell I am more than a little stressed right now?!)

9/11/01

2006-09-11T12:22:00.000-04:00

Did you know that MSNBC ran the Today show coverage live this morning.....the rerun from 2001? I wish I would have known. I didn't get to see it the first time and I would have liked to have seen the whole thing. As it was I didn't turn the TV on until 11 and by then the events had all transpired. (Although I did get to see Katie Couric ask a Congressman if Congress was indeed meeting today and if so, where...oh yeah, the Capitol building was a possible target, so let's just announce on NBC where all of Congress is at the moment, brilliant journalism!) But, I digress.

I have looked all over to see if there was a master list somewhere of all the bloggers posting with the 2,996. Many of the people on my AOL alerts, and my Bloglines have posted wonderful tributes....I wish I would have made a note of all of them so I could share them with you. They were, after all, everyday people just like the rest of us.....people who were in the wrong place at the wrong time.

UPDATE: No wonder I couldn't find the master list for the 2996 project, I suspect the site is especially overloaded today....but you can access the list through a cache. Here's the google memory

Today is my dad's birthday. 59 this year! Hard to imagine having a birthday on such a "historic" day. I suspect we will have dinner and cake and enjoy our evening as if it was any other day.

I stayed home from school today. I was seriously in need of a mental health day. Taking classes all summer was just too much, and my break between summer and fall classes was NOT long enough! So as soon as the kids arrived this morning we were off to school and then I came home, layed on the couch and enjoyed the quiet. It was delicious!

Now, there are many wonderful tributes out there, but as I mentioned, I didn't bookmark any of them. So let me leave you with a choice of these two sites (they are both very similar so you can pick one or the other) Jimmy put one together 5 years ago, and another one more recently. Enjoy!

His Blog
On AOL

Finally!

2006-09-09T23:26:00.000-04:00

Finally! I finally got the pictures to load! I know you've all been waiting patiently *giggle* So I present to you the first day of 3rd grade. This is Princess (left) and her best friend in the whole world. Sweetie & Princess are crushed this year because they don't have the same teacher. Somehow I think they'll survive! And I'm quite sure they will remain fast friends despite the separation during the day :-)

Next I guess I have to share. Cheerleading pictures *sigh* Lucky for them they were adorable, but it was a rare occassion when they were all doing the same moves or saying the same words! But, they had fun, and really, that's all that counts, right??
It was only 60 here today and a chilly wind. Our team lost 8-0. The only bright spot in the day......it wasn't raining by the time the game started. She has to go to another game Tuesday night. It better be warmer!!

Warp Speed

2006-09-08T21:56:00.000-04:00

On a lighter note, 40 years ago today Star Trek hit the air waves.

When Enterprise was cancelled last year it was the first time in 25 years that there was no Star Trek series or movie in production or development.

Isn't that unreal?

Call me crazy now, but I LOVE everything Star Trek. Beam me up, Scotty. I Love the crappy original episodes with unbelievable plots..damnit Jim, I'm a doctor not a bricklayer..., love Next Generation, Deep Space Nine and even Enterprise. I even admit to loving all the movies (yes, including the really BAD ones!). OOPS, forgot Voyager, I never really did catch up with that one, but the few episodes I did see, yup - loved 'em!

Let's hope for another 40 years of nerds dreaming and reaching for the stars, and most especially attending Star Trek Conventions. Because, hey, if we're all at the convention center at least you know where to avoid :-)

But, until that next convention let's lay in a course, warp factor 4

Engage

Public Schools

2006-09-07T11:11:00.000-04:00

There was a little blurb on the radio station that I listen to. It was talking about the growing trend of restricted recess. You know what I mean. First teeter-totters and merry-go-rounds had to go because they were too dangerous. Then we needed to make sure there was 6 inches of wood chips under the swings and other playing equipment because that was too dangerous. Next it was dodgeball, TOO DANGEROUS! Never mind punishing the few kids who are ruining it for everybody because they are mean and like to inflict pain. Anyway, so the blurb on the news said a local school district has now banned Tag as a recess game. Too dangerous, afraid somebody will get poked in the eye or pushed too hard, or they will be so busy trying not to get tagged they won't be looking where they are going and run into something. PLEASE stop the insanity! I've heard reports that include some school districts have banned recess altogether - and not to gain more teaching time but because it's too dangerous. This is a very good thing to teach our kids. Let's not work together to make a system that works, let's just bow to the lowest among us and avoid anything that may result in a lawsuit. Yeah, that works for me - NOT!

On a similar subject. Our local police forces are sponsoring a gun buy back program this weekend. Now, I'm all for getting guns off the street and I'm sure there are plenty of statistics that say the buy back programs work. BUT, and come along with me now. They are offering to give debit cards in exchange for these guns (because money is the only incentive that "works"). Well, what about the rest of us law abiding citizens who DON'T have illegal firearms in our homes? Dang, I could use $100 to spend at our local Meijer store. But hey, let's just keep rewarding the criminals. We're doing it on a lesser level in our school systems so why not in the entire community through the police force. Yeah, that works for me too.

(As usual, I should be working on homework.....can you tell I'm rushing right off to do that?)

One of the classes that I am taking is a class called "Math Activities for Secondary Teachers". As part of this class we need to do 20 hours this semester of class room observation. The placement options were posted today and they were ALL grade A high schools (where we, as new teachers have NO hope of getting a job). Well, this should be useful. Let me go and observe this "great" teacher who is teaching math to kids who already want to learn. That should be useful in my teaching career. I e-mailed my teacher and asked her if she could find me a placement in a city school. I think she probably gagged on her coffee because her reply was that nobody had ever asked her that before. She said she's look into it. I'm guessing, however, that for the next 10 weeks I'll be sitting in the back of some Upper Middle Class 100% white AP Calculus class (or something eqully dull). Gosh, the other kids in my class will really get a good taste of what teaching is like, won't they?

I sound bitter, do I sound bitter? I guess the two articles on the radio about recess and the gun buy back just sent me over the edge today.

From the sounds of it, Jimmy has had enough too - you should go read his latest post

Since I didn't have breakfast, maybe I'll go find myself somethin' for an early lunch. (That way I can avoid that homework just a little bit longer!)

Respite

2006-09-05T19:21:00.000-04:00

Thousands of parents across the country are full of mixed emotions today.

BACK TO SCHOOL!!

You're happy that you don't have to hear "I'm bored" one more time. You're happy that your job as chauffer is now limited to after school. You're thrilled that education is back in the forefront of your child's mind.

But, you'll miss them (ok, not all the time, but the house does seem blissfully quiet today).

Princess started 3rd grade today (really, she did, I have pictures that sort of prove it, but camera is NOT cooperating). She looked adorable! I'm not sure she really wanted to go, but by the time I picked her up I saw nothing but grins :-) She can't wait to go back tomorrow. They all got the cutest little "homework organizers" as gifts from their teachers. She feels so grown up! Now if I can just get her to fall asleep tonight!

Last night was the longest ever. She was so worked up about school she couldn't fall asleep. And then woke up at 5 this morning with a tummy ache. I wasn't sure she was going to make it to school. Ah well, she's good and exhausted now and when she gets back from idiot's and crawls in bed she is going to fall asleep in about 2 seconds.

Back to school for me tomorrow (and gosh you'll be surprised to hear I have only finished about 1/3 of my homework). I'm gonna be up late tonight - with nobody to blame but myself!

Labor Day

2006-09-04T15:14:00.000-04:00

The work force is what makes America great. It's what makes us different from so much of the rest of the world. If you're lucky enough to find a job and work hard, you can "live the American dream". You can have a family and a house and food on your table - so many choices that most people in the world can't comprehend it when it is explained to them. They simply have no frame of reference for a WalMart!

And I know it's not Memorial Day or Armed Forces day, but let's say a special prayer for the soldiers who are out there on the front lines, who have worked every day they have been deployed, only enjoying a rare "day off".

Enjoy a few words about the war from the point of view of a soldier and go

visit John

No homework for miles

2006-09-02T23:53:00.000-04:00

I didn't do a lick of homework today! I should feel some pang of guilt for procrastinating - but all I'll probably feel is frustration as I spend Sunday, Monday & Tuesday trying to finish it. And that, of course, is assuming that I start it tomorrow.

We spent most of the day at my mom's house where Princess amused herself helping Papa scrape paint. They worked on the front picture window and the frame around the garage. They might even get it painted this weekend. My mom will probably die if they do - my dad is not one that is known for finishing projects that he starts. Several times today her refered to princess as a slave driver! rofl Throughout the day we played Zooreka on and off. This game rocks! It's a Cranium product and it's tons of fun. If you have kids you need to have at least one Cranium game in your inventory!

The rest of the time (you know, when I SHOULD have been doing homework) I was reading Godless by Ann Coulter. She cracks me up! (and in a good way). I can't say I've ever leaned to the left in my political views, and I seem to lean more right the older I get. Well, except for the gun thing, I really don't get the gun thing. Mostly what I don't understand is why 70% of the country claims to be Christian and yet we sit silently and hide our light in a closet instead of taking a stand. And, ok, reading Ann Coulter and Christians taking a stand don't exactly have anything to do with each other, it's just sort of where my brain went today.

Have I mentioned that I'm taking Princess to see the Cheetah Girls in concert in November? ACK! 36.50 a ticket PLUS THIRTEEN, yes THIRTEEN dollars in fees! for a stinkin concert (i guess disney knows how to make money!) I'm bringing reinforcements in the form of Sweetie and her mom and we are going to make a night of it. If you're going to get fleeced in Detroit it's always good to go with friends :-)

I got Batman Begins on sale today at Target for ten bucks. That doesn't have much to do with the rest of the post, but gosh what a deal!

Things I meant to do.....

2006-08-31T21:03:00.000-04:00

Wow, I'm exhausted! I meant to be better this week. I meant to have my homework finished already (haven't even started on it). I meant to clean off my dining room table (HA! Like that's going to happen). And then Em tagged me and I meant to do a great post on books that I love (I'll do it, really!).

But, it's 9:00, I'm watching Gray's Anatomy and I am just exhausted. We did NOT ride the train today. Princess decided that she didn't want to ride it bad enough to arrive for the 6:35 departure (thank goodness). We DID go to Michigan Adventure today, which was a blast! I cannot believe how lucky we got with our amusement park trips this year. Hardly anybody at the park today, the longest we waited for a ride was MAYBE 5 minutes. But it was rare to have to wait at all. We had tons of fun. Princess wanted to stay, but I told her 5 hours was enough for mom! We headed back home and dragged ourselves to orientation at school tonight. Listened to the usual blather about our high academic standards, high behavioral standards, moral focus, yadda yadda. Don't get me wrong, I do love our school but it gets old dragging yourself into a mandatory meeting every year to listen to the same thing. Turns out last school year our school ranked #4 out of the 51 charter schools in our organization. (I knew we were good!)

Princess got to see some friends she hadn't seen all summer. Tomorrow we are going ice skating one last time before school starts for her. And it turns out her "boyfriend" is going to be there too. Ah, young love :-)

So, where was I going with all this? Oh yeah, I'm sitting here stuffing my face with my mom's homemade apple pie. And I do mean home-made. Crust from scratch and everything. It's heaven. Trying very hard not to remember all the things I should be doing. I'd like to be sleeping. But that homework isn't going anywhere, and I should get to that sooner rather than later.

And so it begins...

2006-08-28T21:10:00.000-04:00

First day of classes. Where to begin? Yesterday I was about to print a copy of my schedule (this is about 6pm) when I thought, gosh, I wonder if the class I really (REALLY) want to take is still full. They are only offering 2 sections of it this semester and I haven't been able to get into it since registration opened in March. And WOO HOO! ONE seat open. Of course this meant I had to change around ALL my other classes! So I did. Informed my mom at 9:30 last night when she got home that her babysitting duties had changed. She wasn't thrilled, but it didn't change TOO much, so she could adjust.

Fast forward to my first class at 9 this morning. The teacher was great, the class is going to be everything I hoped it would be AND he teaches Calc 3, which I wasn't able to get into this semester. AND he teaches at 10, right after the other class. So, I thought, what the heck....can't hurt to ask......And after class I asked him if he would grant me a closed class permit to take his Calc 3. He asked me what else I was taking and we went over my schedule, in the end he granted me a closed class permit for his Calc 3 section and the class that he teaches at 11 (which I was going to take with another prof on T/H). I guess I best hope that he turns out to be as nice as he seems since I am going to be spending 3 hours in a row with him MW and Friday! This is going to mean dropping my Educational Psychology class, but I can take that next semester.....or maybe CLEP it? I haven't decided yet. My original plan was to CLEP it, but I need to bring my overall psych GPA up.....

Ah well, one thing at a time, right?

My class this evening was an entirely "other" story. Not sure I'm going to like it! But, it's required to get into the College of Education, so I don't have a choice. It's only a 3 credit class and we meet twice a week for 1 hr & 50 minutes. PLUS we are required to observe 2 hours a week at a local high school PLUS the additional homework, etc..... This is SO NOT a 3 credit class! I'm emailing the department tonight to ask them just what they are thinking!

Not that they'll care, I'm sure - LOL

Poor Princess is suffering from emotional overload. She spent almost a week with just my mom up north the week I took finals week. Then I worked so many hours last week and now she's just ready to have a down day with boring old mom and Thursday seems to be too far off! I'll be thankful when school starts for her next week and we can be back to a normal schedule.

And can somebody please tell me.....

Where did this summer go?!!

Ah Weekends!

2006-08-27T00:19:00.000-04:00

Don't you just love weekends? I survived my week at the doctor's office and looking back I can honestly say, "I'm going to miss it". It's true. I always leave there feeling like I've put in a good day's work. Everybody is nice to work with. You couldn't ask for a nicer place to work.

Even if my feet are killing me!

Do you know what it's like to wear pumps all week after 6 months of sneakers??

On a school note.....

One of my professors (educational psych) posted his 5 page syllabus the other day. Where he says, (and I quote here) Some of my personal prejudices that I have developed over the course of teaching at the University level:

1. Students that ask if I have a stapler.
2. Students that email me without identifying themselves or their section.
3. Students that turn in work without identifying their section.
4. Students that miss class and then email me to see what they missed
(ask another student instead!).
5. Students that miss class or carry on side conversations in class and then wonder why they don't do well! It's obvious!

I'm either going to love this guy or really hate him, I'll let you know after the first day of class.

Princess survived spending the night with idiot. Her Grandma & Grandpa came into town to see idiot's new house and decided they better come on a night that princess was there since they haven't seen her since Christmas (mind you they only live 45 minutes away).

I'm going to surprise Princess on Thursday with a train ride! Amtrak leaves here and has a stop less than an hour away. Tickets are only $7.50! Bad part, it leaves at 7:30 in the morning! But, she has always wanted to ride on the train and since idiot fell through on his promise to take her to Chicago this summer (because his wife couldn't get any time off work?!! Like he can't take a day trip with his daughter?!! Don't get me started......) She's going to be so excited, I can't wait to see her face.

I need to get a picture of her in her cheerleader uniform. She had team pictures taken Thursday night, but I'm not hopeful that they are going to turn out that great. It was the most unorganized mess I've ever had to be a part of.

Ah well, she was just excited to get to wear her uniform for a while.

I don't want to be a cheerleader mom!

OH!

I know this was highlighted on a lot of 11:00 news programs tonight, but you have GOT to check this out!

Fantasy Husband

Real World

2006-08-22T23:21:00.000-04:00

Having spent the last two days in the "real world" I already need a vacation! I forgot how exhausting it was to be in a fast paced doctor's office all day. My feet are killing me from wearing grown up shoes. My head is still pounding from the phones ringing all day. Basically I'm falling apart. Suddenly I am longing to be back in that Calc 2 class.

The other half of being back in the real world.....dealing with all the stupid people! I had forgotten how many clueless, CLUELESS people there are out there! Here's one of my top pet peeves......

+ring+ +ring+ "Dr's office, Kelly speaking can I help you" "uh, yeah, dis number was on my caller ID and i wanna know why you be callin me"......."well, this is Dr's X, Y & Z office, is anybody at your house a patient here?"....."I dunno, maybe my moms but she ain't here right now, so why was you callin her?" At this point the phone should just be slammed down in this idiot's ear, but being the seemingly nice professional that I am, I politely tell him he'll have to have his mom call back when she gets in and maybe then we can get it straightened out.

I mean, COME ON! there are 20 people in the office who could have made that call and unless you can tell me the patients name, or maybe even narrow it down to which of the four doctors i need to start with.....there's no hope of figuring out who called you! Some people are such morons!

And this occurs frequently! Here's a hint people, if you have caller ID and you want to know WHY we are calling you.....get a freakin' answering machine!

This is the 21st Century right?

Phew, I feel so much better now :-)

Tomorrow Princess has to get her allergy shots and then after lunch we are going ice skating with one of her friends. Ice skate for 2 hours for 5 bucks (including skate rental) how great is that in the summer? Cool off in the 50 degree ice arena and then go back out and play in the sunshine. It's our best discovery this summer.

After that, back to work Thursday and Friday. If I survive that, I get a night to myself Friday night while Princess sleeps over at her dad's and visits with his parents. I definitely think there will be a movie for me Saturday morning. I don't even care if there's anything good playing!

I can't even believe this is how I am spending my one week off from school! What was I thinking?!! (oh, right, darn bills........)

Where?

2006-08-20T00:09:00.000-04:00

It seems my journaling pixie has been seriously MIA this year. While school and princess have certainly kept me busy, I feel a pang of guilt for not taking this time for myself.

Things in my neck of the woods are starting to look up. Exams for the summer are over. 1st half I took Intro to Education and Psychology of Disabilities, and pulled in an A and B+ respectively. 2nd half of the summer kicked my butt! I am not having good luck with my math teachers and pulled another insane one for my Calc 2. Calc 2 had me in class M-F for 2 hours a day - which you can imagine was not a thrilling prospect during the best part of summer in Michigan! With Calc 2 I also took Technology in Education, which was an online class. I wish I could take more of my classes online - it rocked! Got an A in my online class and somehow managed to pull a B- out of Calc 2. I thought for sure psycho teacher was going to hand me a big ole C. Ah well, I'll take that B anyway I can get it.

I have a whole week off before heading back to class on the 28th. The doctor's office called and asked me to come in and fill in for one of the girls that is going on vacation....so much for having a week off. I'm a little bummed, since I haven't really spent a lot of time with Princess this summer, but glad for the money since I haven't worked since spring and student loans only last so long.

Two more weeks until princess goes back to school. I've only got 4 classes for fall semester so I'm thinking maybe I'll skip one day of class my first week and take her to Cedar Point or Great America.....or maybe just keep it local and go to Michigan Adventure. We'll see.

Oh, princess starts junior cheer next week. I'm trying not to gag on the thought, and I'm sure they will all be cute and adorable.....but a cheerleader? really? I'm starting to think they sent me home with somebody else's child :-)

Mondays are so painful!

2006-05-22T22:18:00.000-04:00

Don't you just hate Mondays after you have had a weekend off? Princess just does NOT want to wake up. It's a chore to get her ready for school. Heck, it's a chore to get ME ready for school! Especially since I knew I had a test first thing. Our Prof had told us last Wed that he was covering another class (at one the other campus no less) and that he would be late to our class - but that he would have somebody from the office come protor the exam.

Class is supposed to start at noon. noon plus ten and STILL nobody to give us the test...we had to send somebody to the office to ASK them to come give us the test. Geesh. Thankfully it was only 60 questions, multiple choice. I think (hope) I got a B on it. There were a few, thinking back, that I think I got wrong. So, we'll see! The two hours of lecture after the test, were sort of a blur.

Tomorrow I'm going to school with Princess in the morning. There's a bulletin board with my name on it! All the Flat Stanleys have come back and they need to be proudly displayed on the board outside of class. I volunteered - I love doing bulletin boards :-) Princess sent her Flat Stanley to visit her aunt and uncle in California (and their 1 yr old twins). He had a great time - he went to work with Uncle Scott (Uncle Scott works at Mattel.....how cool of a job is that?!) and he got to see the Pacific Ocean, and even climb a tree. Princess was so excited to see everything that Flat Stanley did.

I'm also going to start tutoring the kids one on one for a few hours each morning (before I go to class). I told the teacher I'd be happy to come in and I was shocked that she had so many kids who need help with the addition facts. Wow! This is the end of 2nd grade. Since there's only a couple weeks of school left, I figured I could squeeze in a few days of volunteering.

OY!! (sorry, CSI: Miami is on and I KNEW she was the mole!)

Have you seen the cute little build-a-bears that McD's is giving out in the Happy Meals? I'm looking forward to day after day of "can we go to McDonald's?" "can we go to McDonald's?" " PLEEEEEASE, can we go to McDonald's?" Lucky for her I'm really good at saying "No!"

Test Me

2006-05-21T11:58:00.000-04:00

The bad thing about summer school is the pace of the classes. Cramming 1 week of material into each day of class makes for interesting study patterns. I already have a test in each of my classes this week. I think they will both be fairly easy, but I don't want to take any chances, so studying is the word of the day. And let's not forget the rest of the homework I need to continue working on!

Speaking of homework, I'm going to come to the blog-o-sphere and ask you if you know anybody who is physically disabled who might be willing to answer a couple of general questions. I'm writing a paper on the challenges faced by people with physical handicaps and I thought it might be better if I included some real thoughts, instead of just what the books say. More than that I really want to include the perspective or real people in my paper. So, please, if you know anybody that is paralyzed or an amputee or confined to a wheel chair for another reason, please drop them a line on my behalf and ask them if they have a couple minutes to answer a few questions. (Thanks guys! You're the best :-)

I volunteered to work with the PTO next year. The mom that got roped into being President has a daughter in Princess's class so I took pity on her and volunteered to help. AAAHHHH - I'm not sure it was the best decision on my part. I'm going to be busy next year, but the year after that is student teaching so there's no way I'll be able to help then. And let's face it education is all about parents being involved.

We signed Princess up for Junior Cheerleading the other night. I can't even wrap my mind around the fact that my adorable daughter thinks cheerleading is cool. My nose was too far into the closest book to think about cheerleading. 'Course back in my day the cheerleaders were not always the sharpest tools in the shed. Now it has morphed into a sport at some schools. Well, she can try it now while she's young and see if it's something that she likes. I just have to try to avoid getting roped into being an assistant coach or working at the concession stand!

Here's another question for you, why is it when you are trying to avoid doing anything productive that you can NEVER find anything good on TV?

Armed Forces Day

2006-05-19T08:39:00.000-04:00

Tomorrow (May 20, 2006) is Armed Forces Day. I don't think you need to hear my opinion on this one. Support your troops (or else?!! LOL).

I'm thankful that our troops are supported, despite the way many people feel about the "cause". Despite it all, we know that being a soldier is more than just a job.

Now there is a new challenge which is going to spread our military thinner than it already is.

Seems like there is always a new job to be done.

So tomorrow, your job is to go find a military blog and tell somebody how much you appreciate the sacrifices that their family is making for this country.

I pray that God may continue to bless all of those who are and have served in uniform.

Don't you just hate it.....

2006-05-16T23:12:00.000-04:00

So, I'm starting to suffer withdrawl. For a couple of reasons. It started a few months ago when the contact solution that I use (AoSept) was completely GONE from shelves in all my local stores. Now, this was before all the eye infection "scare" and Bausch & Lomb pulling one of its products off the shelf. I kept checking the company web site to see if had been discontinued and I couldn't even find reference to it! Well, the good news, now that all the hub-bub hit eye care, there is a letter on the company web site saying they are shipping more! Woo Hoo! So, if they were planning on discontinuing it; well, they aren't anymore! Which makes me a little bit happy.

Unfortunately, this is not the end of my dilemma. I have a weakness for the greatest potato chip ever made. It's a Ruffle's flavor called "The Works". I can't find them anywhere. It's been a month, a girl could die :-) When mom & dad went to Florida I even made them check the stores down there -and no luck. So, I go to the Frito Lay website and it's still listed as one of their products. But, GET THIS! under the "contact us" tab - no email address! Do you think I'm going to remember to call customer service between 8 & 4:30? (or whatever time is actually posted there, I don't even remember!).

In the midst of this dilemma, my darling daughter has been so supportive. We were at the store the other day and as we went down the chip aisle she says "don't even bother looking, you know they're not there". LOL; how well she knows me! Of course since she brought the subject up I took the opportunity to whine a little bit at which point she tells me I better just deal with it, because if she could live through them stopping making her "bites" I could live without my chips.

Now, she had a good point there. I had forgotten that NutriGrain had stopped making her favorite breakfast food. Princess doesn't like to eat much in the morning and this was one of the few things I could get her to eat. At least I think they were Nutrigrain. Anyway, they were one of the fruit/breakfast bars and they had yogurt frosting, of course she would only eat strawberry flavor - but these were bite sized so she could kind of eat one and then come back to the bag a few minutes later.

Gosh, is this going to be another pointless post, or what?!! My brain is so fried from all the reading. I have 2 tests next week already.

Oh, I do have a good Princess story; well, maybe a couple. Pardon me while I go on about how smart she is, but she is my daughter after all. She loves her teacher, she loves 2nd grade and now she has the opportunity to demonstrate to her class how superior she is to all of them, so she is living high on the hog. A couple times a week during math they take a 24 question math fact test (1+4, 6+4....basic stuff) and they have an hour to take it. They all started out at +1 and after they do 24 of those in less than a minute they move on to +2.....up to +10, and then they start on subtraction. Well, there is a group in her class of 5 or 6 kids who are pretty math savvy and they were nipping at her heels up to -8 (most of the class is still back down around +8) and what do you know, the other advanced kids got stuck on that darn -8 and Princess has soared up and did X 4 today and passed on her first try! I'm so excited for her, the next test will be X5 (of course) and she knows those cold (hey, we don't watch schoolhouse rock for our health :-). But we practiced flash cards tonight just to make sure. We had gone through them a couple times and the card I had up was 8 X 5 and she looks at me and says "oh, these are just halves, so 1/2 of 8 is 4, so the answer is 40" To which I said OK smarty pants if it's that easy then what is 24 X 5, and without blinking she says "120" WHOA, she's scary sometimes.

On top of that they are starting to study state names and she insists that she is going to learn 40 states by Friday. Thankfully we've been working on the states for fun since our trip to Georgia in March. She already knows almost 30 by heart. Just looking at a map she can pull the names out of her head. If I give her the list and have her cross them out as she goes, she can already do more than 40.

I'm so glad she got my smart genes. Although I'm not sure I'm going to like it in a few years when she realizes that she's smarter than I am!

How I'm spending "My" day

2006-05-14T15:17:00.000-04:00

Wow, how young AM I in this picture? If you must know, I was 21. (And, yes, I know it's an old grainy picture - lol) Ah, those were the days!

This photo popped to mine after taking myself to the movies today. Princess and I were slackers and stayed on the couch watching movies all morning (my mother's going to KILL me for not being in church, I'm sure!) Princess went to spend a few hours with idiot. I headed to the library to grab a couple things that I needed and then headed to the movie theater to watch United 93.

I can't contribute much to the other reviews that I have seen. It was good. Scary in it's accuracy. Having worked a commercial hijacking when I was on active duty, I can tell you this is exactly what happens. All the direct lines you have don't mean anything when nobody can figure out what's going on. And the movie ends on the note of stating that the military was not even informed that this flight had been hijacked until several minutes after it crashed.

So, back in the day when we had 6 bases under Huntress control sitting alert (and by that I mean, 2 planes sitting, weapons armed, pilots on base, and 2 more planes on standby at each base) would the military have been able to make any impact on the 9/11 situation? I honestly don't think so.

The situation was so unexpected. Controllers couldn't figure out what they were seeing. Rules of Engagement couldn't even be clarified because nobody "in the know" could get the President on the phone. When we sat alert in fear of Russian Bears attacking, things were a little different, but not much. We were prepared for an assault that we understood. Not for terrorism.

And I think the movie portrayed that. There were a couple times when I choked back a few tears - but I wasn't crying. Maybe I was too far into my military hat. I had butterflies in my stomach remembering the days when that was my job.

I have to recommend the movie to everybody though, if you don't go to the theaters, rent it when it comes on DVD. Buy it and show it to your children to remind them when they are teenagers that there are no guarantees in life. That America is a symbol of something so amazing and so great, that the symbols of it's freedom strike fear in those who don't understand it. Those who are so small and scared, those who see that they cannot hold onto their power much longer, those who think that America will somehow be bullied into a corner.......

We come together in the face of fear, we overcome, we fight back

God Bless America

Saturday Six #109

2006-05-13T14:15:00.000-04:00

Join me at Patrick's Place to play along!

1. When is the last time you switched from one company to another for an important service? What made you switch? Did the company you were leaving try to make you a better offer to make you stay?
I recently switched from T-Mobile to Nextel for my cell phone service. I had been with T-Mobile for almost 8 years, and things were just getting continually worse from a customer service aspect (gee, that reminds me of AOL for some reason! >giggle<) And no, the rep that I talked to when I called to cancel was one of the rudest I have ever dealt with, and never offered to help or in anyway tried to keep my service.

2. What emblem or logo was on the last coffee mug you drank from?
The last mug I drank tea out of was my big ole Grumpy mug from the Disney Store - it's SO me! LOL

3. On a scale of 1 to 10, 10 being a world-class chef and 1 being someone who can't even scramble an egg, how would you rate your cooking ability?
I guess I'd rate myself about a 5. I'm a good cook, when I get around to it. But, I'm not very imaginative and most of the stuff I do cook is standard fare.

4. Take the quiz: Are you a good cook?

You Are a Learning Cook

You've got the makings of an excellent cook, and the desire to be one.

But right now, you're just lacking the experience. You couldn't be a top chef yet, but you could be an apprentice.

Are You A Good Cook?

5. When was the last time you prepared a meal for someone other than yourself or those already living with you? Was it well received?
My parents came back from Florida last Saturday night so I cooked a big dinner on Sunday to welcome them home. They loved it (of course!)

6. Since it is that time of year, what show's season finale are you most looking forward to? Which show do you wish would just go away?
I was really looking forward to the end of 7th Heaven - although I have to say I was totally disappointed with the way the "wrapped" it all up. Ah well, maybe the end of West Wing would be better - although I wish they would bring it back next season!

Mother's Day Shmother's day

2006-05-12T12:54:00.000-04:00

This time of year stinks. It does. I don't enjoy holidays anymore. Not like I used to. Easter has come and gone and I didn't even decorate. I haven't celebrated Mother's Day since Josh died. Oh we still go over to my mother's house and Princess gives grandma a cute hand crafted card. But that's it for the hoopla. I told them 6 years ago I didn't want anything for Mother's Day (well, nothing they could give me anyway).

I really am not as big of a humbug as it sounds. I don't sit and mope all day (although given the opportunity I would probably enjoy it). I would like to be able to lock myself inside the house all day - heck for weeks prior so that I could avoid seeing all the clueless people going on about their clueless little lives thinking that everything is great. That sounds bitter, doesn't it?

I guess I just hate that I feel this way. I wish I could go back to days when my life was nothing but an uncharted future. But now, too much of my heart is tied to the past.

My classes are keeping me busier than I ever imagined. It's hard to sit in a classroom for 3 hours at a shot and absorb a week's worth of information in one afternoon. I certainly am feeling my age!

I feel like such a mother when I get to class. Yesterday I was sitting there and one of the last girls to come in (mind you this is a Freshman class so these girls are probably not even 20 yet >gasp<) was wearing a white tank top (like men's undershirt style) that was too small for her with a black bra underneath. Since the t-shirt was too small she had rolls of fat hanging out between her shirt and her lowrider jeans. I had this urge to just go over and put my coat on the child! Eek! I hope my daughter knows better than to go out in public looking like that when she goes away to college. On the other hand, maybe I should just be excited that this young lady was even showing up for class, right?

Princess has decided to stay home tonight instead of going to her idiot father's house. Did I mention that he went to the west coast for 9 days and didn't call her once or even bother to send her a postcard? She must have said something to him about it because Tuesday night. After their visit she came home and said "dad said he didn't call me because since I didn't call him he figured I didn't want to talk to him". PLEASE! Just let me smack that man now!

It's feeling like a pizza and a movie night. I could go for a nice cheesy pizza loaded with pepperoni and mushrooms - mmmm, my mouth is watering already!

Back in Class

2006-05-08T22:35:00.000-04:00

It felt good to be back in class today. (Even if it was 3 hours and 20 minutes worth!). Today was Psychology of Disabilities. I feel pretty good about choosing this class. The professor is going to be interesting, and I feel like I'm familiar enough with the subject matter to pull out a decent grade. (the good part about being an "old" student? life experience!)

I was reading an article today about the shows that are ending this season. Those of you who know me, can't help but knowing that I am a West Wing nut! At the beginning of this season, I have to say that I was glad they were cancelling. The caliber of shows were not up to their usual standard and each episode just got more disappointing. But, after the last couple episodes I'm dying for them to try and make a go of it! The dynamics between the characters, the laughing, the crying - it's all back! Unfortunately it's back on Sunday night's at 8:00. Which NBC idiot came up with this idea?! Oh sure, let's put one of the only good shows in our lineup against Extreme MakeOver: Home Edition! Let's put it on at 8:00 so Kelly can't watch it because she's busy putting Princess in bed (and therein lies my biggest complaint! lol)

And wasn't NBC the stupid network that decided to piss off half of America by airing a show about a minister and his wacky family? Have they learned nothing from the long running series? West Wing has been on 7 years, 7th Heaven has been on what 9 or 10 years? and how long was Touched by an Angel on? These shows have proved that family friendly drama have a place in programming, so why aren't more production companies and networks embracing them? Are writers just not writing stuff like this anymore?

I certainly don't claim to know. I just wish there were more decent choices out there.

Sunday Seven

2006-05-07T10:03:00.000-04:00

Play along at Patrick's Place

THIS WEEK'S QUESTION:
Name seven foods in your kitchen (including your refrigerator or freezer) or pantry that you could prepare as a meal in less than ten minutes.

This is sort of a no-brainer, imagine me, single mom, full time college student, sometimes we have less than 10 minutes to make AND eat the meal! lol

1. Stouffer's Frozen Dinners (Grace's favorite is the baked chicken with mashed potatos, mine is the bbq chicken with cheesy potatos)
2. Easy Mac (EWWWW, but hey, the 8 year old loves it)
3. Cheerio's
4. Grilled cheese
5. Tomato Soup
6. Eggs
7. Pizza Rolls (she thinks those are a meal in themselves and gets very angry when I make her have fruit or yogurt along with the nasty pizza rolls!)

I have more, can I list more? ROFL - There's the first 7 I could think of :-)

3 for $1

2006-05-06T16:05:00.000-04:00

It's been a couple of lazy days around the house. This means more work for mommy trying to entertain the little one while making her stay on the couch. She was exhausted yesterday so I let her stay home from school. By noon I couldn't take it anymore and we headed out to go see Hoot. I figured at the movie theater there was at least a chance she wouldn't be whining to go outside and play. Both of us really enjoyed the movie. There was only one other person in the whole theater, so it was kinda cool being at a private showing! (Getting there before school gets out made a big difference on opening day :-))

Before the movie we had a few minutes to kill so we went into the local dollar store. She found a bag of punch balls (you know, thick balloons with rubberbands attached to them). Three for a buck - what a deal! We have been playing with them all day. I highly recommend them for releasing all that pent up frustration! Of course, they are cheap, so every once in a while, the end pops open and the whole thing deflates. And then you get to blow it up again. But, what the heck - it's been keeping her entertained for hours. We also picked up a huge bag of Smarties while we were there.....so I'm sort of on a sugar high right now :-)

I did eventually give into the princess last night and let her go to open gym. I figured she had been taking it easy all day and told her she could go with her friend as long as she promised me she would take it easy. They had a really great time, but of course, she woke up with a fever this morning. When will this mommy learn?!! Thankfully after a couple Motrin, she has been back to semi-normal all day.

We are both excited. Grandma & Grandpa should make it back to town before 9 tonight. We have a play to go to (our middle school is putting on a musical). Hopefully by the time we get out of the play, they will be home waiting for us.

I have been a good girl today. While her majesty has been on the couch taking it easy, I have gotten a few of the things off my list done! I feel like I have almost accomplished something (almost being the operative word here).

Classes start on Monday, so I'm trying to juggle the carpool schedule and make sure that everything is set for next week. I can't believe it's time to go back to class already! One of my classes only has 10 people in it; the other one has about 20 - so it should be a nice 6 weeks. This semester I'm taking Psychology of Disabilities and Introduction to Education. Second half of this summer will be Calc 2 and Computers in Education. It's going to be a lot of work, but I'm looking forward to getting it over with. One semester closer to being done!

On a happier note, I forgot to report that they caught the freak that raped the 84 year old woman last week. He says he doesn't remember a thing because he had just been smoking meth (or doing some drug; not sure which it was - and do you think I can find the story on our local news page?!!)

And speaking of local news - 2 thumbs up to the residents who showed up in force at a military funeral yesterday to stand between the family and those freak protesters from Kansas. If God is going to condemn these soldiers for defending such an awful country..... I wonder just what He is going to do to all of THEM for continuing to live here?

Thursday Thirteen

2006-05-04T22:38:00.000-04:00

13 Things I Wanted to do This Week
(before her majesty got sick.....)
(also known as mommy whining)

1. Nap (I sort of got a few of those in while princess slept, but I was still in mommy mode, so that's not really sleeping)
2. Take myself to 3 movies (I managed to squeeze in one)
3. Read the Stephen King book my brother got me for my birthday in February (haven't cracked it open)
4. Sort through the pile of crap that has accumulated on my never used dining room table (pile of crap.....still there!)
5. Nap some more
6. Get a couple hanging planters for the front of the house (that's the extent of my gardening skills folks!..... and they're still empty)
7. Work on the template for my journal (and as you can see I haven't touched it)
8. Have lunch with the girls from the doctors office that I was working at (no lunch dates made my organizer this week)
9. Catch up on laundry (are you freakin' kiddin me?)
10. Get all my notes/papers from last semesters classes put in order and filed with the rest of my school stuff (refer back to #4)
11. More napping
12. Get the carpet cleaner from my mom's and get the living room carpet done (I'm laughing so hard now that I just spit pepsi out my nose)
13. Put away the winter clothes and pull the spring/summer clothes to the front of the closet (Guess that'll just happen naturally as I dig for cooler stuff to wear!)

Wanna play along? Visit the home of the Thursday Thirteen :-)

Six Years

2006-05-03T21:10:00.000-04:00

At about 9:30 at night on Wednesday May 3, 2000, my beautiful 5 year old son Joshua was declared dead. The doctors and nurses in the ICU stopped trying to resuscitate him, and one of my favorite nurses came out to the nurses station to tell me that he was gone. Since all the rooms were only closed off by glass sliding doors, I had seen their valiant efforts, and there was really no reason to tell me that. No reason, I guess, except for the closure. The "hearing" the words said even when you don't want to hear anything. The brain tumor had finally won the battle.

Thinking about it now, it dawns on me that they hadn't pulled the curtains when they ran the code, and so the entire ICU had front row seats. At that time of the evening though, there were not many people left. Just kids sleeping, many in drug induced stupors.

Funny how I hadn't thought of that before.

I took myself to see "Stick It" today. Figured stupid comedy was just what I needed to take my mind off all that ails me. I managed to laugh a couple times, not sure I would actually advise anybody to go see the movie though! Overall it was pretty bad :-)

Princess tried gymnastics practice after school today. I kept her home from school 'til 10:30 - but she insisted that she wanted to try. They are practing their "routines" (and I use the word loosely) for the spring show, which is on June 1; and of course she did NOT want to miss a practice. She hung in there pretty good overall. Bedtime was a nightmare. She whined about everything, but I figured that would happen as tired as she was.

While mom & dad are still in Florida they are having a tree taken down. When we popped over after gymnastics to get their mail, the tree dudes were there, chain saws in hand and chipper at the ready. They had already brought a good portion of it down. Princess looks at me and says "can we just make sandwiches here and watch them out the kitchen window while we're eating?" What can I say? She's easily amused!

Despite all that, today has been tough. Six years seems so unreal. One of the boys we carpool with is in 5th grade, and I often try to wrap my mind around the fact that my son should be this old. He enjoys picking on princess more than picking on his own sister (perhaps because his sister learned to ignore him years ago? lol). I really have no idea how much my life would be different with two kids.

I just don't have the energy to talk about this anymore tonight. Thank you to all of you for lending me your support today through kind words. I could not ask for a better group of cyber friends :-)

Just Breathe

2006-05-02T20:32:00.000-04:00

Somehow I managed to make it through the entire day (up until about 3 minutes ago) without realizing that tomorrow is Wednesday. And not just any Wednesday. May 3 - already! How could it be here already?! I'm aghast at myself for not realizing that it was practically here. I mean, I knew it was coming, but geesh! I'll save that post for tomorrow because there's no reason to make myself cry buckets any more than is necessary :-)

My grades were FINALLY posted today! I just want to go shout to the world:

I GOT a "C" IN CALCULUS....and not even a pesky minus after it, a solid C - woo hoo! I have been dancing all afternoon!

So, for those of us who are keeping tally; it's two A-'s and two C's. Not too bad. GPA is a solid 2.85 (which isn't quite up to my usually oh 3.4ish, and let's not forget my solid 4.0 from last winter! I'm getting that one framed!) I'll take what I can get though, and I am gonna be doing a happy dance well into the night over my big fat C from my stupid Calculus professor!

I was reading over at John's blog (and yes, I still read him, even though he works for the bad company) that half of adults between 18 and 24 can't find Mississippi on a map! Somehow, sadly, this doesn't surprise me. If you want to test your skills, here's a test my daughter loves. And when that gets to easy, go back to the main page and find a harder test! And just so you know - I ROCK at these games, I kick the princess's butt every time we play (LOL - look at me, beating the eight year old!)

On the subject of not knowing where Mississippi is.... I was playing a game online last night, minding my own business. A couple of people were talking in chat so I checked out their profiles (because, yes, I'm nosey darnit all!). One of them has listed UK as the place they come from. The other one has listed Deep in the South as theirs. As the one from the UK says good night, the other one says "hey, were is the UK from the USA?" (meanwhile I'm thinking, is this person SERIOUS?) the answer? "across the ocean" (really, what else was she supposed to say?) So basically we have become a nation that can't find Mississippi and doesn't know where England is on the map?

Where's my "proud to be an American" t-shirt.....maybe i'll start wearing it inside out :-)

Alright already! And the Boycott

2006-05-01T14:09:00.000-04:00

All I'm going to say on the subject is that she woke up sick again, and long story short, she DOES have mono >sigh<

I feel like all I've been talking about lately is my sickie little girl! And since it's the big boycott today, I thought I'd take time to vent about that for a minute.

I heard a great analogy once regarding illegal aliens. The speaker said - imagine you are Bill Gates, you have worked hard, you have a huge house, and one day a family of ten just walks into your house and moves in. They're living in a wing of the house that you never use, so they are not in your way. They don't cause any problems, and relatively speaking would be considered good housemates.....except for the fact that they weren't invited!

It made sense to me. And really cuts to the heart of the problem. I don't want to hear "oh, we'll do jobs that nobody else will do". Living in a state that has one of the highest unemployment rates, I'm thinking that if illegal aliens were not doing some of these jobs - owners would figure out a way to employ some of those who are out of work.

And while we're sort of on the subject - let me just go off on a tangent and mention that when I was stationed in Tucson there were stories all over the news about how excited everybody was over the first citizenship ceremony being conducted in Spanish. Really, I wouldn't kid you! People becoming American citizens who don't even want to bother to learn enough of the language to be sworn in as a citizen!

Sometimes I just want to beat my head against a wall.......

And on that note I think I'm done ranting, for a few minutes anyway!

Still Sick?

2006-04-30T23:16:00.000-04:00

Thank goodness for antibiotics right? The miracle drugs of the 20th century. (well, excepting of course all the new germs that are mutating out from underneath them and lurking, waiting to wipe out a tenth of the population in some strange epidemic that we can only imagine is going to hit us soon..... but that's another entry altogether, isn't it?). We went back to the doctor yesterday morning and switched from amoxicillin to keflex and by the end of the day princess was almost back to normal. We took it easy today - although we did sneak out to see The Wild. Not sure I really enjoyed it, but it was nice to get out of the house. Fast forward to about dinner time when the complaints start again. Upset tummy, headache. The doctor told us yesterday that if she was still feeling icky on Monday she would be sending us in to get blood drawn to see if she has Mono. Yes, MONO! who knew an 8 year old could even get mono? When we left the doctor said "See you Monday", so you know she thought right then and there it's probably mono. I guess it could be worse. No yucky medicine. Just try to make the 8 year old take it easy for an entire month. That should be easy.

I guess she could still wake up early tomorrow and feel great. I shouldn't resign myself to the bad news before it happens.

At least I've gotten past the point of sheer panic. It's so easy to get wrapped up in everything that could be wrong. Good to know that my pediatrician is always available to keep me sane :-)

Peaking in my Head

2006-04-28T23:13:00.000-04:00

She was home sick again today. I'm in a little bit of panic mode, and I guess in order to properly explain it I need to go back.

On Saturday, April 15, 2000 (see how April 15 fell on a Saturday again this year? Easter was on the 23rd that year though, not the 16th like this year) Anyway, Joshua was diagnosed with an inoperable brain tumor. He spent 2 1/2 weeks in Peds ICU and then he died on Wed May 3. Most of you know all this already, you've heard his story, so I'll spare you the long story..... for now.

The reason I bring this up tonight? Josh had been sick on and off for almost 2 months prior to his diagnosis. But in the last week we were in the ER several times for migraines - all of which had, of course, cleared up by the time we were finally seen. On the morning of April 15, he was miserable, complained that his neck and head hurt and that his tummy hurt. We went to the doctors office where the combination of stiff neck and upset tummy eventually got us a one way ticket to the emergency room with a possible meningitis diagnosis. If only we had been so luck.

So there we are last night, me tucking princess in bed and she says, mommy my neck hurts. I figured she had been laying around all day so of course her neck was going to hurt, she was sick after all. I didn't panic too much, told myself by morning she would be back to normal. Until she came down the stairs and the first word out of her mouth? "mommy my neck REALLY hurts, and my tummy is yucky". Sigh. I promised myself I wouldn't go over the edge. I did not call the doctor. Told myself I'd ride it out. She seemed to feel better by lunchtime, still tired, but not complaining too much. I guess what through me is that it seemed to sort of go in cycles. She's seem to be fine and then sort of double over and whine and whimper (which is SO not like her)....and then about 3 this afternoon, there it came again. Mommy my neck is so stiff it hurts to move and my head feels like it's going to explode. Lovely. Really, really lovely. I called the doctor. The best they could do? If she is still complaining in the morning I need to bring her in. Of course what I'm supposed to do all night while she's sleeping semi-peacefully is another story altogether.

I was proud of myself over all. I only asked her a couple times to turn her head from side to side and lean it back and then down to her chin. Unfortunately every time I did she said it hurt the worst to try to put her chin on her chest - and even then I did NOT rush her to the emergency room. I swear, if I wasn't so worried that she'd wake up in the middle of the night - I'd be drinking right now!

I know it's probably nothing. Probably just achy from the flu and will turn out to be absolutely nothing more. But I can't let it go at that. I don't know what I'll do if she wakes up tomorrow and is still complaining. I foresee a major breakdown on my horizon!

Well, now that it's all out in the open, I almost feel better. So, how about the best "worst" show on TV. If you missed Cheerleader Nation on Lifetime - Shame on you! They followed a varsity cheer team to nationals, and spent time with some of the girls in their homes, talked to their mothers, etc.... It was addicting and so, SO bad! Most of it seemed so fake and staged - but I couldn't help myself - I had to watch it! And, you'll be happy to know, they ended up winning first place at the national high school cheerleading championship. Yes, I'll sentence myself to about 30 hours of discovery channel or A & E to wash the taste of that one out of my mouth :-)

Psychology scores got posted today. I got a solid C overall, so now I'm just waiting on my Calculus grade. I have a feeling I'll be waiting until May 4 when grades are posted through the registrar's office. That's not til next Thursday, in case anybody is counting! Have I mentioned I detest my Calculus prof?!! LOL

Needless to say I didn't make it to see United 93 today. I'm a little bummed, but there is all next week.

I better go take my contacs out - it's gonna be a long, long night

Home again

2006-04-27T22:43:00.000-04:00

~~RELAXING DAY~~
Home with a sick princess

As you may have guessed, my day did NOT go as planned. Ah well, the joys of motherhood :-)She woke up this morning saying she had a sore throat and her tummy hurt. I figured she was just trying to get me to let her stay home from school. Then I layed next to her and realized she was practically on fire. She continued to complain that her throat hurt to badly to eat. So, off to the doctors office for a strep swab. Thankfully that was negative, so back home to watch Narnia and try to make it through the day. Nothing like spending a day with moaning and puking to remind you why you became a mother. She managed to get a nap in this afternoon, but she still didn't eat until 6:00 tonight. Once she was finally able to eat, things took a turn for the better, but she was still begging to go to bed before 8:30. Hopefully she will wake up a new girl tomorrow, I have too many things to do!

I did get a pleasant surprise today. Two of my grades got posted. I got my expected A in history, but I got a nice surprising A- in Statistics. Wow! I was shocked! I'm not complaining, because that means if I can pull out a C in Calculus I'll end this awful semester with a 3.0 ish grade point average, which would make me over the moon happy!

On a stranger note, on the news tonight there was a story about an 84 year old woman being raped (by all reports by a man in his mid 20s). I'd really, really, really like to know what kind of sick person would even consider doing something like that? Honestly! How twisted do you need to be to commit rape in the first place but to choose a helpless old woman? It makes me ill just to think about it.

My mom & dad won't be back from Florida for another 10 days. It's been lonely without them around to lean on. Princess is always asking when Grandma is coming home - and today of course the whining consistently included "I want Grandma!" poor thing!

I did decide to try to make it to a movie tomorrow - I think it's going to be United 93. This, of course, all depending on her majesty waking up in a good mood and going to school. Otherwise I'm stuck here again, just me, the sick kid and the internet. What more does a girl need?

Hitting the Wall

2006-04-26T22:28:00.000-04:00

Sheer exhaustion has finally set in. I promised myself I would turn in early tonight, I am SO tired. Exams are done. My history exam this morning was great, she even gave us extra credit (15 points) which she said she would give us full credit for no matter what we wrote down, as long as we wrote something! How fun is that?! I wish I knew what to say about my psychology exam. I got another C >harumpf< I thought this test was easier than the last 2.....

But let me go back. I set up my classes so that they would all be in the same building. About the second week of the semester I got really sick, bronchitis sick, hard to walk and breath at the same time. I missed almost 2 weeks of school. Well, during this time my psych professor moved our class to another building. So that even when I did go back to class, his class was still too far to get to (since it was right smack in the middle of my day!). Not a major problem, I kept up on the reading and according to his syllabus we would be graded on 3 50 question multiple choice tests. When the first test came, I got a C. No problem I thought - I missed so many classes, a C is to be expected. Between the 1st and the 2nd tests I only missed one class. Took the 2nd test and thought it was really hard! So, I was happy with my 2nd C, but a little disheartened - since I got the same test score whether I went to class or not. Since the last test I missed 2 classes. Went, took the final today (which was not cummulative) and thought it was really easy. But I got a C on this one too! I am so bummed, but in the long run, it's not in my major and it's a passing grade so I shouldn't complain too loudly.

I did get an unexpected surprise this afternoon. I went to log into my grades to see how I did on that psych test and lo and behold there is a "new" class listed on my class list. It was titled Junior Year Writing waiver. The University I attend requires you to take a writing class in your freshman year, and then again in your junior year. It seems, that without my knowing about it, my professor was participating in a "pilot" program. The junior year writing requirement can either be met by taking the class for a semester or testing out of it. The history class I took was also considered a "writing" class, where 50% of the grade was based on papers that you had to write. Starting next year, these teachers will be able to grant you a waiver for your junior year writing if your papers are good enough. But, since we were involved in the "pilot" program some of us got our waivers early!! I am just so excited. I was dreading having to find time to go take this test! And now I don't have too - yeah me!

Now that exams are over, be warned, next week is Josh's 6th glory day (sounds so much nicer than saying the anniversary of his death) so expect entries over the next few days to turn gray and mucky. I haven't had time to really deal with it these past few weeks. His birthday flew by without much time for a serious breakdown, so I have a few stored up. If you're in a particularly good mood, you may want to avoid me for a few days :-)

2 down

2006-04-25T14:07:00.000-04:00

Ah, I feel temporarily free. Which basically means i have 1/2 an hour to myself before I have to fetch Princess from school, amuse her 'til bedtime and then when she gets to bed it's back to studying for tomorrow's exams.

Today's first exam was Statistics - it was OK, i forgot several things (despite being allowed to bring cheat sheets (how dumb am i?)) but overall I think I pulled off a C, so my grade for that class should hang in the Bish category. Then there was Calculus. Grrr - that was hard! this woman gives us a review sheet last Wed and gives us 2 hours in class to work on it in groups, then you get to the exam today and only about 1/2 of the exam is stuff that was on the review sheet - WTF?! I still think I did OK, there was one 10 point question that I am sure I didn't get full marks on, and probably enough little mistakes that I'll have a B- or C+ on the test, so I think I can do a little "can't touch this" dance and celebrate passing Calculus! woo hoo!

(By way of my parents insurance agent) I was browsing a web-site where you can order medication through a company out of India (doesn't that just sound safe? >insert sarcasm here<) While I was looking at some of the medications I take, I looked at the oral contraceptives. I'll be ordering some from them in the next few days. Curiosity has gotten the best of me! You can get a pack for $3.09 (plus shipping of course) but get this, the packs are packs of TWENTY! Um, do they know something that I don't about women? 20 pills?! Just how exactly does that work?? I'll have to give you all a full report after I find out. I'm tempted to call the consumer reporter at our local TV station and have them take some drugs to a lab to get them analyzed. See if they even are close to what they say they are. For all I know they'll be sellin me sugar pills >giggle<

It is a crappy, cold, overcast day here. Princess insisted on wearing her flip-flops to school. Being the good mommy that I am, I let her freeze her toes off and told her she HAD to take her sneakers & socks in her backpack and if the sun didn't come out she couldn't go out for recess without putting them on. That's where I'm lucky. I know that even though she is at school, and I'm not there, she will put the shoes on at lunch time. Of course, when she gets out of school here shortly, I am sure I will have to hear about all the other girls who had sandals on and how they weren't "that cold" and why can't she just where hers. She definately gets the whining gene from me!

I'm looking forward to finishing my exams tomorrow and then doing absolutely nothing on Thursday, maybe I'll take myself to a movie while her majesty is in school. I've heard "Thank You for Smoking" is worth seeing (albeit this opinion came from young, young college students, but I may give it a shot anyway). Who really cares what you're watching as long as you have the gallon of pepsi and the popcorn with butter flavored toping :-)

Turning a Page

2006-04-24T00:42:00.000-04:00

This semester has been tough, and from the lecture my academic advisor gave me I'm guessing next fall isn't going to be any prettier. For the most part my classes have been interesting, my teachers (with one exception) enjoyable to listen to. Here's how things stack up. I start my day out with Intro to Statistics, which is sort of required by way of being a prereq for a class I have to take for my major AND my minor. After that, two hours of Calculus I, Derivatives, which being a math major you can guess is definately required. Next up, Cross-Cultural Psychology, required for my minor. And rounding out my day is History of Medicine and Health. They're all tough classes. My statistics teacher is fabulous, and lets us bring our notes into tests, but I always seem to make enough little mistakes to end up with a B, so I'm guessing I'll get a B in her class. My psych prof is SO amazing, he loves the subject and has really gotten us involved in a lot of great discussions in class. Unfortunately, his tests have been hard to predict and I'm expecting a C in his class....maybe a B- if I'm really, really lucky! History of Medicine, another really interesting subject. My prof there, too, is really smart and she loves the subject matter. It's also a writing course, so I have a good chance of pulling off a B+ from her, and if I'm really good on the final I can pull of an A- (yippee!). Now, for the downer. My calculus prof should have definately chosen another profession. Although, she hasn't spoken to the point specifically, I do believe this is her first semester teaching - and let me just say - it shows! But, better than that I have a required class that I have to take winter semester next year and she is the only one teaching it! How sad am I? If I can pull off a B on the final I might be able to squeek out a C in this class, but at this point I'm setting the bar low - 63 is all I need for a passing grade, so I'll be happy as long as I don't have to take it again!

I have to take 4 classes over the summer to catch up with my curriculum. One of them I can take online, but I also have to take Calc 2, Integrating - and for the summer semester that means taking it twice as fast. I barely survived Calc 1 at the regular pace, so I hope I at least have a decent teacher for the next one.

I had spring break WAY back at the beginning of March and I took princess down to Atlanta for a few days. We went to opening weekend at Six Flags Atlanta and we rode roller coasters until I wanted to puke. It was a perfect day! We also went to their new aquarium, which princess wasn't too thrilled with and took the World of Coke tour. Let's just say we might as well only have gone to Six Flags, because that was ALL she talked about on the ride home. I kept her out of school for a week, and she made sure to tell all her friends that she was getting TWO spring breaks this year. She had her spring break the first week in April and my dad took her to Mammoth Caves. They had fun (despite her 24 hour stomach flu, puking 3 times in the hotel bed and my dad panicking and taking her to the ER!). She's going to be spending a lot of time with Grandma & Grandpa this summer while I'm in class. I just have THE best parents. They have stood by me helping out financially and always being available to take care of Grace. And Grace loves spending time with them. Heck, I do too, they afe fun people!

I'm sure there are a few more things that happened over the last five months. Oh, I sidelined Mr. Right Now. Semi-permanently I think. Part of it my lack of time, and part of it his inability to stand up for what is best for his boys. He's too afraid to make waves with his parents and his ex - even though he KNOWS what's going on is only making a bad situation worse for his young sons. Aside from his lack of backbone he's a great guy. I'm sure there is some control freak out there who will make him a decent girlfriend :-)

Hmmm, what else am I forgetting? I think those are the hilights for now, anyway.

This week I have 2 exams Tues and 2 exams Wed. On top of that we have Social Studies fair Tues night (last year it was science fair) and princess made a covered wagon. It turned out really good - and I hardly had to do any of the work! I'll have to remember to take a picture so you can see how cute it is.

If I'm going to do this

2006-04-22T20:24:00.000-04:00

If I'm coming back; I'm diving in head first, back to posting, back to participating in my favorite blogger challenges. Starting with the master

It's the Saturday Six (ya gotta love Patrick!)

So, here we go! It's easy, go visit Patrick and answer the six questions, then run back to his blog and post a link. You'll be amazed what you can find out about your friends.

1. What food do you most enjoy cooking? How many people have you cooked this dish for?
My favorite thing to cook has got to be a pot roast, because it tastes so good and it's so easy to make! Most of the time I just throw it in the crockpot and let it go :-) How many people have I cooked for? Geesh, I'm not much of an entertainer so I would have to guess the most I ever cooked for is 8 ('cause that's all the chairs I have - lol)

2. If you could go behind the scenes at any television show to get a look at how things worked, which show would you choose and why?
Hmmmm, that's a tough one. How about America's Most Wanted! See how they decide who to profile and watch the entired process at work.

3. Besides your bed, what's the easiest place in your home for you to take a nap? When was the last time you fell asleep there?
Sadly, that's usually the floor. If I can convince princess to watch a movie, i usually stretch out on the floor with a pillow and >bam!<>

4. Take the quiz: What time of day are you? (Found at Shelly's Cyber Chocolate).

You Are Sunrise

You enjoy living a slow, fulfilling life. You enjoy living every moment, no matter how ordinary.

You are a person of reflection and meditation. You start and end every day by looking inward.

Caring and giving, you enjoy making people happy. You're often cooking for friends or buying them gifts.

All in all, you know how to love life for what it is - not for how it should be.

What Time Of Day Are You?

Not sure what that's about...if I was ever up early enough to see a sunrise, I'd be in such a bad mood nobody would want me around!

5. What time of year do you usually read the most books?
I read all the time, but I guess during the summer we are outside more so I don't read as much. Making winter the time I read most books.

6. READER'S CHOICE QUESTION #89 from Jamilynn: What is your favorite article of clothing? Is there a story behind it?
My favorite favorite thing to wear is a bright pink sweatshirt that I used fabric paint on. I have both of my kids handprint's and their names on it. It's now 8 years old, so I don't wear it "out" very often, but for bumming around the house you will seldom find me wearing anything else.

Playing Catch Up

2006-04-22T17:50:00.000-04:00

I've been surfing, trying to read the last post or two in journals that I haven't been to in months. I had forgotten how many great people I have been missing.

Today was a good day. Spring is here, and I am almost feeling human for the first time in ages. Princess is gone camping until tomorrow with her idiot father. I needed the break. It's been too long since I have had an opportunity to do absolutely nothing.

I'm putting school on the back burner for the day. I'm not going to even crack a book. My first exam isn't until Tuesday, so I'll have some time tomorrow before her majesty gets back from camping. And then during the day Monday she'll be at school, which means more study time.

There was a hysterical story on the news last night. Petition to lower gas prices The governor seems to think that the president should be working to cap the amount of profit that "big oil" is making from gas. As the governor of Michigan, shouldn't she be more worried about, oh I don't know, perhaps the Big 3 auto makers. You know, the companies that don't seem to want to put anything gas efficient on the market, don't want to transition over to making hybrid vehicles that are better for the environment and would, to a small extent, help lessen our need for foreign oil. The auto companies, who unlike the oil industry, can't pay their taxes or their employees!!! As the governor of Michigan, isn't that what SHE should be worried about? Making industy that can compete on a global market. Industries that don't destroy the great lakes that surround our beautiful state?

Silly me for thinking politics has gotten out of hand?!

Ah well, it feels good to put my thoughts back out there into the great unknown of cyberspace. I'm starting to feel better already.

Toes

2006-04-21T21:37:00.000-04:00

I think I might be back; I'm still undecided on this point. I need to purge, to vent, but honestly - when is there time?!! Last time I posted was right before Christmas, and gosh is that the last time I had a chance to come up for air? I think it is! My classes this semester aren't bad overall. My grades leave a little to be desired; but that I'll save for a later post.
......So where is my life? Only a few more weeks and it will be 6 years since Josh died. My princess is turning into this fabulous young lady; I am more proud of her every day. Exams are next week and my parents have deserted me for 2 weeks and run off to Florida. What I wouldn't give to be with them! Although it was 73 here today and they said it was 94 there - so who's laughing now?!

And completely off topic (see, if I pretend I have a topic I'll fool everybody out there) the Miss USA pageant is on. I really just don't get the whole beauty pageant thing. Maybe I'd feel differently if I looked like these girls. I guess if you can pay for your student loans by parading around in a bathing suit, maybe it's not bad work if you can find it?!

And on that note, that's as far as I'm sticking my toes back in the water for now. I may even play around with the site for a while this weekend and make it look purdy - heck I may even go and visit other sites and catch up on my friend's lives....who knows! (Anything to avoid studying for exams >giggle<)

Almost Over

2005-12-24T13:42:00.000-05:00

Thankfully the holiday season is almost over. I guess by now there are lots of mom's feeling that way. Although we wait with anticipation to share our children's joy; it's just SO much work! I don't usually cook, or do anything specials. I've got it pretty easy in that respect. Tonight we'll enjoy dinner at my aunt's house. Tomorrow morning is Christmas at my parent's house. Just the five of us - me & princess, grandma & grandpa, and my brother. It's usually a pretty casual day. Dad & I might even take in a movie if we are really well behaved.

I finished my shopping and I'm ready to go. There were a few moments when I found myself browsing in the boys department looking at clothes. Just surrounding myself with things that are not to be this season. I'd like to say there's some magical formula. Something that I have found that helps me get through the holidays. Or maybe I should be asking if anybody knows the formula. I certainly haven't found it.

I went out with Mr. Right-Now last night. Even that didn't help much. I suppose it was a distracting to get lost in the routine, the familiarity of it all. He's comfortable and I should try to enjoy him more than I do. It's just so hard this time of year. Everybody is so much better at pretending to be happy than I am.

Princess & I have lots of quality time in our future. I don't go back to work until Thursday so we have lots of days to fill with fun and laughter. Not a bad way to end the year.

May God bless each one of you this holiday season. And may you each find the true meaning of this Christmas season. "For God so loved the world that he gave His only Son, so that everyone who believes in Him might not perish but have eternal life" (John 3:16)

Luke 2:8-14
There were in the same country shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night. And, lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone round about them: and they were sore afraid. And the angel said unto them, Fear not: for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people. For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Saviour, which is Christ the Lord. And this shall be a sign unto you; Ye shall find the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger. And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God, and saying, Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men.

Merry Christmas everyone!

Winter is Here

2005-12-21T23:26:00.000-05:00

The calendar says winter is officially here. The weatherman says we have already gotten as much snow as we usually end January with. My yard tells me I already have all the snow I care to have this season. I know the tourism industry is thrilled with this snowfall. We didn't have much last year and there was not a lot of skiing to be had.

My classes are finally set for next semester. I'm excited. I'm in class M/W/F from 9-2 and get this - all four of my classes are in the SAME building! What are the odds? I'm not taking any of my education classes. Since those are at a different campus entirely I decided it would be smarter to take those this summer and knock them all out at the same time. They do offer a free bus that runs from one campus to the other. But since I am trying to squeeze in my classes while Princess is in school that extra trip would make it hard to be on time for anything. Parking is not going to be fun for any of my classes, and I'm not looking forward to braving the freezing temperatures. I still can't believe all my classes are in the same building! Here's what's on deck for this semester. Calculus (part 2 of 3), Psychology & Culture (one of my last requirements for my Pysch Minor), History of Medicine & Health (yawn), and Statistics (double yuck).

The books cost a fortune. And I might add the bookstore at my junior college is WAY nicer than the on at my new University. Oh wait, the selection of sweatshirts is nicer at the University, does that count for anything?? They had hardly any choices of pens or pencils or notebooks, it was sad. 'Cause you KNOW I can't stay away from the office supplies. So, I guess it means I have to force myself to take a trip to Office Max. It'll be torture, but I'll manage somehow.

Sheets

2005-12-19T00:46:00.000-05:00

I kid myself. I convince myself that if I just don't acknowledge it, don't even glance at it, that somehow it will not exist. The pressure comes, the waves of stress start crashing and I dive under the covers, close my eyes and make it go away. Writing. Writing about the mundane of my life. Even this little task forces me to come out from under the covers. I like the alone better. I like to put on my "look at me i'm normal" face and go to work and come home. Life with Princess is an every day thing and I am thankful that I have that reality every day to keep me grounded. It's just so hard. I am tired of it all being so hard, taking so much effort. The holidays seem to bring more of everything. More demands on my time, more forcing myself to put on a happy face. I have taken to not answering the phone, heck I don't even listen to the voice mails. I'm tired of people. Alone is easier. I don't know how the rest of the world does it. Goes to work, meets friends, takes care of a house and kids. I can barely put on matching shoes some days. And yet I trudge on because there is no other choice. The hope that tomorrow will be a little bit easier. Couldn't it just be a little easier? I need the pieces to start fitting so I don't feel so completely seperate from the rest of the world. So little of my life is under control. I'm tired of "hanging in there" darn it all I just want a piece of my old life back. I'm not completely sure what part - maybe the part where I felt slightly human.

Who Ordered the Snow?

2005-12-05T20:23:00.000-05:00

It's been coming down all day. I cancelled our Odyssey of the Mind practice so our parents wouldn't have to drive around in this crap any more than necessary. The roads aren't that bad, but this wind just keeps coming out of nowhere and sending big poofs of snow up into the road. For those of you from the south just imagine smoke from a grass fire popping up out of nowhere and destroying any hope of visibility you ever had. Driving in snow is someting of an art (one which, unfortunately, many northern drivers have yet to master). By 5 there were cars littering the ditches on the sides of the roads. I'm crossing my fingers that this won't be me in January as I start commuting a fairly treacherous 10 mile stretch of road.

School is looking almost great! I arranged my schedule so I have Tues & Weds off. Now I just have to move one class from a 2:00 to a 12:00 and it will be a perfect schedule! So I'll keep looking for something to open up at noon. Dare I hope it will even be a class that will allow me to cross off a boring requirement?!! It's almost too good to be true. I figure now I can spend this semester getting used to things. Then maybe try to get a job on campus for next fall.

Since I'm still a Math/Secondary Ed major I had to declare a teachable minor. Luckily I transferred 3 Psych classes in so I only need 3 more to get my minor in psych. Go me!

But enough about school - back to the snow. Princess was all bent out of shape today because I told her we could only go sledding after school if it was over 20. Since it wasn't I made an appointment for her to go get allergy shots. Needless to say she was none to happy with my choice of her after school activities!

Ah well, she can take it out on her daughter some day when SHE becomes a mother!

Back to School

2005-12-03T12:57:00.000-05:00

Transfer orientation. That's what it was called - transfer orientation. Aptly named since it was meant for students who are transferring from other institutions. So, explain to me why they spent an HOUR of my time explaining to me what a course catalogue and campus map are? I'm thinking we've all been in college before. We're familiar with how to navigate our way through course descriptions and prerequisites. Did we really need to spend an HOUR on these things?!!

Just about the time I was getting ready to doze off, they said it was time to break into small groups to go meet with our individual departments. Out of about 35 students only 6 of us were Math/Science majors - the rest were Humanities. Our small group set out in the freezing cold with our 2 advisors (who were all of about 20 years old). Thankfully it was a short walk to our department and we were greeted by the senior advisor.....who I'm still guessing is younger than me! What a strange feeling that is. We were plopped down in front of computers, given a list of required courses, plus a list they had put together for us of classes that they suggest we sign up for. After what felt like a million attempts I finally put together a list of classes that I am almost happy with. The GOOD news is they are all in the same building. What are the odds? Classes from three different disciplines and they are all in the same building! The bad news is they are smack in the middle of the day.

This means as it stands right now I won't be able to keep the job that I have. Which I love!

Still no word from financial aid. I'm chomping at the bit waiting for this one. I need to find out how broke I am going to be for the (well, for the) foreseeable future. At least parking here is surprisingly cheaper than my community college. Still a good chunk of change ($65 per semester) but not bad in the grand scheme of tuition, books and other fees.

This morning dad & I went to see Aeon Flux. It was barely an hour and a half long. Not bad over all, but hardly worth paying $6.50 for a ticket (and lets not even get into the price of popcorn and pop!). I still haven't made it to see Rent - GRRRRR - Maybe I'll find a hole in my schedule this week so I can go see it. That dude from Law & Order is so HOT! And yes, I know he was on Broadway in Rent before he was that Law & Order dude, so forgive me for typecasting him as some TV detective.

I still have to get over to my parents house and work on the Quicken File. I just don't want to go back out in the cold! It's only 23 today, and all the snow just makes it feel so much colder. Ah well, I guess I'll just bite the bullet and get it over with.

A Concert on a School Night

2005-12-01T00:03:00.000-05:00

I went to the BEST Christmas concert tonight! My mom bought me an early Christmas present and gave me a pair of tickets to see Mercy Me & Steven Curtis Chapman. I took one of my dearest friends with me (we met in FIFTH grade!). I must admit I am feeling a little old. When the music started we looked at each other and said "gee that's awfully loud". And it continued to be loud for 3 hours. But, that's OK. The crowd wasn't bad for a Wednesday night. I won't even mention that most of the crowd was my age and older - so basically I was at an old people's concert. SIGH.

It was a blessing to listen to these guys though. They had such stories to go along with their songs and rocked the house with their original songs, plus Christmas standards. We even got to hear one of the songs from the upcoming Narnia movie and see the music video to go along with it.

I cannot wait for Narnia to hit theaters next week. I am so looking forward to taking Princess to see this one. We loved the book.

I could go on, but it's late and I can still hear the ringing in my ears :-)

OH! I took my CLEP today and passed it; then I turned in my graduation audit so hopefully in a few weeks I"ll have my diploma to hang on the wall. I have orientation at the new university in the morning so I'll give you the skinny on that in the next post.

"G" is for

2005-11-28T21:14:00.000-05:00

John's Monday Photo Shoot: Snap a picture of something beginning with the letter "G." Because I don't think the letter "G" gets nearly as much attention as it should.

So, here's mine! G is for GRIN and G is also for Princess who has an entirely other name on her birth certificate that starts with G - Grace!

What the heck is HTML

2005-11-27T22:28:00.000-05:00

I've been playing around with HTML this weekend and I think I might even like it. Who knew that you CAN teach an old dog new tricks? There are a ton of things I still want to learn. Backgrounds and colors and all the things that go into creating a template. I'm excited. Excited to think that I probably never would have considered learning any of this a few weeks ago. Excited to start stepping into the 21st century! I guess that means you can expect my page to look different every few days. You know how it is - you get a new toy and you just HAVE to play with it!

I love Saturday!

2005-11-26T14:23:00.000-05:00

I love Saturdays. Usually Saturday morning is my day to sleep in. The day when Princess is at her dad's and I have nothing but quiet to keep my company. Of course quiet also brings plenty of time for thinking. Which isn't always a good thing. Last night we slept at Grandma's so the girls could watch Herbie Fully Loaded on the big screen TV. The three of us slept in the basement and nobody fell asleep until at least 11. I am so tired today!

We dropped Sweetie off at 10 and Princess got picked up at 10:30, and now here I am. Flicking through "there's nothing on TV" channels. Wondering how the heck I am going to survive another December. Grandma put the Christmas tree up at her house with the girls this morning while I made breakfast. So, out came all the ornaments. Ornaments that Josh made in pre-school, ornaments that Princess has made. I'm dreading putting our tree up. So many more memories. I couldn't even bring myself to do it last year. This year, I will get up the nerve somehow.

Tonight I'm seeing Mr. Right Now. He's coming back from his parents today so we'll have plenty of holiday stories to exchange. Princess will be home bright and early tomorrow so maybe, just maybe we'll drag the tree and the ornaments out of storage. And then another week begins. It's going to be another week of running out to the university to try to get things ready for next semester.

Today is just one of those days where I wonder how I am going to do it all. Do I even want to keep trying to do it all? Gosh, I just don't know!